Birthdays Are
by KiriNoMiko
Summary: A selection of fics about the Naruto character's birthdays, some will be crackfic, some will be AU, some will be drabble, some will be downright fabulous, some may even be serious! These are for all the characters whose birthdays I managed to find. Enjoy!
1. The Note

Quick Note!

I know a lot of people do birthday fics, but since I own all the characters from Naruto, mine are obviously the best.

**xX **_Is dragged away by Itachi to be tortured for not "adhering to copyright laws" _**Xx**

Stupid Kishimoto . . . grumble mumble cough . . .

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Anyways yes!! none of the following characters belong to me and this will basically be a set of one-shots about the birthdays of the characters for whom I could find dates of birth! (Huge thank you to **Big Paja** who gave me the link to an even better site than the one I used with almost ALL the characters birthdays) Oh, and because I only recently got this link, it may take me a while to do all the extra january and march stories! Feel free to give me ideas for plotlines .

Yippeee!

In Order:

Gai: January 1st

Haku: January 9th

Gaara: January 19th

Sasori: January 23rd

Shino: January 23rd

Yondaime Hokage: January 25th

Obito: Febuary 10th

Kabuto: Febuary 29th

Tenten: March 9th

Sakura: March 28th

Deidara: April 3rd

Chouji: May 1st

Kankuro: May15th

Iruka: May 26th

Itachi: June 5th

Kurenai: June 11th

Kimimaro: June 15th

Neji: July 3

Kiba: July 7th

Shikaku: July 15th

Sasuke: July 23rd

Tsunade: August 2nd

Temari: August 23rd

Kakuzu: September 4th

Kakashi: September 15th

Shikamaru: September 22nd

Ino: September 23rd

Naruto: October 10th

Asuma: October 18th

Madara: October 19th

Anko: October 24th

Orochimaru: October 27th

Jiraiya: November 11th

Rin: November 15th

Lee: November 27th

Hinata: December 27th

Konohamaru: December 30th

!!


	2. Maito Gai, January 1st

**Disclaimer:** Not mine

**Warnings:** None!

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Maito Gai – January 1st

"HAPPY NEW YEAR KONOHA!"

It was 00:01 hours, 1st of January – one particular Maito Gai's birthday – and he was happy to be alive.

The New Year's party that doubled as a birthday party had been a huge success – it was tradition after all and any party thrown by _the_ Mitarashi Anko was worth going to at the very least.

Gai, however, was not at said party. He was currently atop the First Hokage's head, having climbed all the way up it using only his hands and without the aid of chakra. Even on such occasions Konoha's great green beast enjoyed testing himself. In fact it was his new years resolution that if he could not achieve this same act every morning he was in Konoha, before training with his team, even before breakfast, then he would admit to Kakashi being the strongest rival.

The silver-haired man had, in fact, heard Gai advertise this fact to the whole of the village from his cosy position nestled in the Fourth Hokage's ear, but he had ignored it as a drunken mistake and so did not remove himself from his hiding place (he too had escaped Anko's party).

"Well then you handsome devil" Gai told himself "As you have already completed your training for this morning you may return home and greet your youthful team-mates when the sun rises!" So-saying Maito Gai descended from Hokage Mountain and returned home to his cushy bed with its youthful turtle print bedcovers.

The next morning Gai woke early as usual and (with far less difficulty than he used to have) donned his green spandex jumpsuit and bright orange leg-warmers, pulling a couple of nice-guy poses in front of the mirror before he departed.

He was the first one there – unsurprisingly – and his team mates arrived together – as expected.

"Gai-sensei!" Gai's very own clone was leading the way "Happy Birthday!" the ever-energetic Lee called out and struck his own nice-guy pose before handing an energetically wrapped pair of turtle print pyjamas to his beloved sensei.

"Arigato! Lee-kun!" Gai called back, though they were barely a metre away from each other, and hugged his star pupil, causing dramatic sunsets and crashing waves to appear behind them.

With a huge sigh and a somewhat worried look on her face, Tenten also wished her sensei a happy birthday, her present – much more impressively wrapped – consisted of a summoning scroll capable of holding multiple nun-chuck. Neji – unsurprisingly – had brought nothing and his special way of saying happy birthday was to declare;

"Congratulations, you're old" earning him a painful 'pat on the back' from Tenten and the true agony of hearing Lee cry out:

"Never! Gai-sensei is eternally youthful!"

"Thank you, Lee-Kun!" the aforementioned sensei bellowed in reply, and yet again followed the inevitable sunset complete with crashing waves as the two green-clad bowl-cuts pulled identical nice-guy poses "and to prove how youthful we all are, every team member shall climb the Hokage mountain without the aid of chakra!"

They knew better than to groan, that would only encourage Gai to give them more impossible tasks in order to 'rediscover their youth', so while the two "sane" members of the team forced smiles (or in Neji's case let out a vague grimace of acceptance), Lee and his unfailing energy declared the task to be a most excellent form of training and the perfect birthday treat.

After training, Gai was due to drop by the Jonin apartments to meet with his fellow Shinobi – those who had been unable to make it to the party and those who were simply too drunk to string a sentence together and wish the green beast a happy birthday (had they been able to find him).

However, Gai was feeling somewhat antisocial. Something Anko and Tsume would have found horrifying any day, let alone his birthday, and would quickly beat out of him were he to grace them with his presence. His mind was made up. Gai was going to Konoha forest to meditate! Or . . . something like that.

With the stealth of an Uchiha – more specifically an Uchiha not being swarmed by fan girls but instead escaping them – Konoha's great green beast avoided his fellow Jonin and their meeting place and, using more skills than many were aware he possessed, Gai slipped into the dense foliage of Konoha forest.

The further he got into the thick growth of trees, the more the ever-exuberant Gai-sensei found his thoughts turning. Though he had often journeyed to this forest, never before had he allowed himself to think such aging and un-youthful thoughts (if only subconsciously). But it was his birthday, and if everyone else was going to treat him liberally then why shouldn't he remove his own self set limitations?

The hours passed and Gai sat on his favourite tree branch watching the skies and the lives of the animals above, around and below him. _Every year_ he thought _every year I feel more inclined to sit still and watch the world in motion. Being spontaneous has become a routine for me._

"Perhaps . . . I am getting old, like Neji said" he added out loud, speaking to no one in particular and so Gai was somewhat surprised to receive a reply.

"No you're not. Because if you're getting old then so am I." Gai looked up, recognising the voice that was constantly muffled by a blue mask and seeing Kakashi stood right next to him – he hadn't sensed him at all. Face buried in yet another Icha Icha novel and leaning lazily against the tree trunk Kakashi added "besides I though you would remain eternally youthful?" Gai said nothing "everyone's waiting for you" Kakashi scratched his chin thoughtfully "or they were. Whether or not they still are is debatable, after all a black cat _did_ cross my path on my way to find you"

Another lie – Gai saw them after a few years of hearing them, losing his trust his Kakashi somewhat. "How is Obito?" he asked mechanically.

"Well, considering his current condition." They remained in silence for a few moments until it was, surprisingly, broken by Kakashi – now that had _never_ happened. "Does this mean I win that contest you're always talking about?" the copy-nin asked, open eye still fixed on Icha Icha. "Am I the strongest rival?"

Gai felt something inside of him stirring – denial perhaps? Kakashi muttered something else about backing down and Gai felt an angry bubbling feeling – one he hadn't encountered properly in a long time. "I suppose I have no choice then but to announce myself as the strongest rival" Kakashi continued "poor Lee, he'll be so disappointed –"

"NOOOO!"

Kakashi looked to his green-clad, self-pronounced rival who had just jumped to his feet, with more energy than he had seen for a long while, and was breathing heavily. Kakashi smirked underneath his mask.

"No?" he repeated in mock surprise, and Gai smiled hugely his teeth sparkling in the light of the natural sunset.

"I will never admit defeat!" yelled Gai, eyebrows wiggling dangerously

"My my . . . and so down a moment ago, I truly thought I had won." He threw his hands up as if in defeat, one still clutching onto Icha Icha.

"Haha!" Gai laughed long, loud and in a particularly unconvincing manner "it was all a ploy to lure you, my rival, into a false sense of security" the great green beast said this with such conviction that the copy-nin almost couldn't be sure whether this was really what had happened, but he shook off that idea readily enough.

Gai pulled his nice-guy pose with renewed energy and "youth" an smiled widely once more, teeth glittering blindingly. Kakashi, smirking under his mask, teleported in a puff of smoke, with one last shrug of "defeat".

"Yosh! Gai yelled yet louder "I am Maito Gai-sensei the eternally youthful and I cannot lose to anyone one – especially not on my birthday!

Kakashi, who had only teleported a few trees away scratched his chin and smiled, genuinely glad his friend had cheered up, however that smile quickly turned to a look of nausea as he heard Gai's next words: "I forgot to challenge Kakashi!" he was still speaking in exclamation marks and this particular sentence mad even _the_ Hatake Kakashi tremble, teleporting this time to a place far, far away where no one would ever find him, and leaving Konoha's great green beast grinning like an idiot on top of the tallest tree in the fire country.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU HANDSOME DEVIL!" Gai finally called out to the world, fulfilling a tradition that had, this year been left unfortunately late.

_Owari!_

Thanks for reading :3


	3. Haku, January 9th

WARNING: Yaoi/ slash/ shonen ai, etc

**WARNING:** Yaoi/ slash/ shonen ai, and a light dusting of smut (very light) .

**DISCLAIMER: **Only in my dreams does Naruto (or more specifically Itachi) belong to me. **:3**

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Haku – January 9th

He's never seen his sensei smile. When he leaves the classroom, the scarf he wears constantly is wrapped tight around his face to ensure no curios students will whip it off as he presses through the crowded corridors of Kirigakure high school.

For years now Haku has wondered what the bottom half of his sensei's face looks like, but had for all this time restrained himself from removing that scarf and instead focussed on the rest of Zabuza's body: his unnatural height, his heavily toned arms and chest – visible even under shirt and jacket – and his oddly tinged grey skin which always seems to make the man look slightly ill.

When Haku first arrived at Kirigakure, he had heard his senpais discussing the eccentric sensei, but it was only when Zabuza had taken over his biology class that he truly began to notice the man. Zabuza would discuss human biology with a morbid fascination, telling the class all about pressure points and the best places to land a sword in order to ensure an almost instant death – such revelations had caused squeals of disgust from the majority of the female students and gleeful appreciation from the rest. Haku had said nothing, done nothing and Zabuza-sensei had looked at him, surprised at his lack of reaction. It was only a moment, but Haku had seen in his sensei's eyes the same loos, the same desperation to be loved as he saw in his own every time he looked in the mirror.

Haku wanted to know what caused such pain in his sensei's eyes. Had he, too, seen the deaths of those he loved? Rumours flew around of Zabuza's ranking in the Water country's army. They said he had been a General or some other high-ranking officer in the last war against Fire country. Had he lost his soldiers? His friends? Perhaps a lover? Haku was desperate to know, yet he never showed it, he simply continued to watch his sensei from the shadows, wondering what happened.

The days turned into weeks, weeks into months and still Haku could not bring himself to ask his sensei or to rip off that damned scarf and reveal what was beneath. The new year came and with it the January snows of the Water country, on his way to school Haku would see snowball fights in every garden, couples sitting on snow-covered walls and holding hands and the pure white snow rabbits that lived in his garden finally emerged. Also with the turn of the year came Haku's determination, carefully hidden (not that anyone would have noticed if it weren't) to reveal the parts of his sensei hidden in his eyes and beneath his scarf. He made it his new years resolution to try and urge himself on, and it was on the 9th of January – Haku's long forgotten birthday – that he finally gained the courage to put his plan into action (though to call it a plan would suggest structure, of which it had none).

After that day's final period of biology, Haku stayed behind in class to collect his thoughts. To his surprise, so did Zabuza-sensei.

"Zabuza sensei?"

"What is it Haku?" Zabuza had never yet used honorific in Haku's presence, yet another little detail that separated him from the masses.

"It's just . . . I wanted to . . . It's my . . ." Haku took a deep breath and pushed out the words he hadn't meant to say "you have the same eyes as me" he murmured determinedly, fists clenched at his sides "I want to know why"

Zabuza raised an eyebrow "I don't know what you're talking about brat"

"So full of pain and loss, why is that?"

To his surprise, Zabuza laughed. "You're a pretty brave kid. Either that or you haven't heard the stories about me." His voice was laced with an arrogance that seemed to be appearing less and less often recently.

"I've heard them all. I even have some of my own theories Zabuza-sensei" he remembered to add

"Sit" commanded Zabuza, pointing at a small chair beside his desk as he flopped down into a slightly larger one. "I've been wondering about you for a while"

Haku's heart leapt, had he been thinking the same things about Haku as Haku had about him? "Sensei?" he managed, heart thumping all the while.

"I've seen you watching me" Zabuza began, and smirked as he sensed Haku's pulse quicken. "Not only in class which is normal, but in the corridors. In the grounds. And you don't have any friends that I've seen"

"I don't need friends" Haku replied abruptly. _I have you_. "But does that mean . . . have you been watching me too sensei?"

The man's skin changed colour slightly. Had it been a normal colour Haku would have thought his sensei was blushing. "I have" he admitted gruffly, and Haku's big brown eyes widened noticeably and they met Zabuza's own pitchy black ones.

"Why?" he asked gently, and Zabuza looked away

"Why not?" he bit back still embarrassed at Haku's comment. "You asked me about my eyes? Well I know all about how they are filled with pain and loss, as well as anger, hatred and . . . desire" he almost whispered the last word and met Haku's eyes again, causing the younger of the two to blush uncharacteristically.

Carefully, unsure of what he'd heard, Haku raised a hand and pulled away his sensei's scarf gently, uncovering a mass off bandages wrapped around his face. Zabuza had been sat deadly still, but quickly snapped his hand to catch Haku's wrist as the boy went to peel away his last defences – feeling a shiver run through his student at their contact.

"Please?" he whispered and slowly, carefully, Zabuza released his grip and allowed Haku to continue removing the neat wrappings.

Haku drew in a deep breath as his sensei's face was revealed, pulling away the last of the pristine bandages and softly running his fingers over Zabuza's newly revealed face, brushing along his jaw-line and over his lips, enjoying the feeling as the older man shuddered beneath his touch.

Haku was about to speak when Zabuza grasped his wrist again. "Don't" he choked out and Haku caught a glimpse of sharp white teeth beneath those oh-so-inviting lips.

"Please" he whispered again, looking up.

"Why should I?" Zabuza's voice was filled with anger "You've seen enough. Haven't you had your fill? Aren't you going to run off now and tell everyone what you've seen?"

"Zabuza-sensei –"

"Don't Call Me That!" he yelled

"Zabuza . . . san. I wouldn't do that to you. I couldn't because you are . . . you're special to me. You are the special person I want to protect, and I –" he paused, almost unable to go on "I would do _anything_ for you, because I exist for you"

Zabuza stared at his beautiful student, trying to comprehend fully what had just been said to him – it was his turn now to be unsure of the situation. Haku had hung his head, embarrassed at his outburst, and Zabuza slowly pulled at the wrist he had not let go of, dragging the rest of the boy with it and at the same time raising his other hand, weaving it into Haku's long, shining hair, pulling his head forwards, pushing their lips together in a gentle kiss.

Haku moaned at the feeling of Zabuza's calloused hands tangled in his hair, his rough lips against Haku's own soft ones, and pushed himself forwards into the kiss, bringing up his other hand to rest on his sensei's – _his_ sensei's – chest.

Neither was sure how long they remained there for, but they were rudely interrupted by a loud drawl calling Zabuza's name, and footsteps echoing down the corridor towards them. Zabuza was the first to pull away, releasing his star pupil and hurriedly re-wrapping the bandages around the lower half of his face, and winding the scarf in a panic.

The door burst open and teacher and student turned in shock.

"My my" said Kakashi after a pause "you could cut the homoerotic tension in here with a knife"

Noticing how close he was to Zabuza, Haku tried to shuffle a little way back and Kakashi grinned under a scarf almost identical to Zabuza's.

"Ignore him" the grey skinned man grunted "he's just been reading Icha Icha yaoi edition." The second masked man grinned even wider and shrugged with an attempt at nonchalance. "Anyway, I hope that helped you Haku" Zabuza lied easily.

"Oh, yes, thank you sensei" Haku replied, catching on quickly and rising from his seat. Zabuza grunted in reply and Haku made to leave.

"By the way" Zabuza added, and Haku turned in the doorway "Happy Birthday"

His brown eyes widened in surprise, but Haku smiled genuinely – causing both senseis' jaws to drop – and bowed deeply "thank you. It's been a particularly good one" he said, before turning back and walking away down the corridor hearing a dimmed:

"What happened? Tell me everything" from Kakashi and Zabuza's reply of "I don't know what you're talking about old man" from behind him.

_The best in a very long time_. Haku mused, stepping outside into the frozen New Year's air and delighting in the snow that settled in his hair and on his eyelashes, before beginning the long walk home.

_Arigato, Zabuza-sensei._

_Owari!_

Thanks for reading :3


	4. Sabaku no Gaara, January 19th

Sabaku No Gaara – 19 January

When he woke up that morning, it was just one more day for the Kazekage of Sunagakure – Sabaku no Gaara – but for the rest of the village it was so much more.

What once used to be a day shunned by as the day that brought a monster into Suna was now celebrated by all the villages' inhabitants as the Kazekage's birthday. Had it been any of the previous Kazekage's birthdays, celebrations would be minimal, but _this_ was Kazekage Gaara's birthday and no expense would be spared.

Why? Because Gaara was a hero of course!

A true hero.

A hero who had saved the village from some insane blonde hermaphrodite and its clay bombs.

A hero who had died and been brought back to life.

A hero who was really, really . . . well really gorgeous really!

And so the fan clubs prepared and practised for their introductions to the mysterious redhead, they painted their banners and perfected their swoons, while all the while Gaara slept soundly. It was one of the good things about having Shukkaku removed – if somewhat forcefully – he could sleep at last.

It also gave his two elder siblings time to meticulously plan their "super surprise party", though they never referred to it as such in public. Ninjas did not say "super"

Unfortunately however, as Gaara slept he dreamt of all his previous birthdays. But when he dreamed of such things Gaara's dreams quickly reverted into nightmares.

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"_Shh! He's coming!"_

"_It's that boy again – the monster"_

_As Gaara walked through the streets he heard those spiteful whispers and saw the hateful, frightened stares from the villagers._

_Why do they all stare at me like that? The young redhead asked himself in despair._

_The small boy continued along the streets to his home, seeing black banners of mourning fluttering in the desert wind and knowing they were for him._

_He tried desperately to ignore the taunts and hushed words as he continued on his way, but his sand did not block them out as effectively as it did the rocks hurled at his head._

"_Why Yashamaru?" he cried, clutching his teddy bear to his chest "why do they hate me?"_

"_They don't hate you" his uncle replied, a fake pasted across his face "they just don't understand"_

_There was a flash of red and a dark sky filled with Kunai was held frozen for a split second before all the sharp, deadly blades honed to perfection came swooping towards him, the nearest heat source._

_But there was his sand! Curling around him, suffocating him, drowning him and cutting off the small light that had filtered through into this nightmare – _

Gaara woke with no sign of his discomfort but a slight frown dusted over his forehead. As he donned his official robes, Gaara's excellent hearing picked up the dulcet tones of his comrades from the land of fire.

"YOSH!" called one

"Dattebayo!" added the other

"You're so youthful Naruto-kun" declared the first voice in a somewhat weepy and awed tone.

It was at this moment that a somewhat disgruntled Temari forced her way through her little brother's office door. "I don't carehow you do it or what it is you do to them" she said, clutching the frame of the door so hard that Gaara was surprised it was still intact" but make them stop, or I _will_ be forced to bury their bodies up to their necks in sand in the middle of the desert and watch as they burn alive"

The ever unruffled Gaara simply nodded his assent and waved for someone to fetch him the two vibrantly coloured and over-energetic shinobi from Konoha who had managed to wheedle a vacation out of their Hokage. Once they were fetched however they insisted on being shown around the whole of Sunagakure by the Kazekage himself. And who was Gaara to refuse them?

So with a final application of eyeliner and an unnoticed long-suffering sigh, Gaara was seized by the arms and dragged unresistingly through his hometown, occasionally pointing out the location of a failed attempt on his life. An act which - very fortunately - silenced Lee and Naruto for a few seconds before they regained their "youthfulness" and continued with talk of training and reaching their dreams.

As the day grew to an end and the air got steadily cooler and cooler until both Naruto and Lee were seeking heat from their favourite mass murderer - and surreptitiously giving each other death glares if they felt their opponent was getting too clingy - Gaara decided it was finally time to lead the two back home. Opening doors, gates and completing other equally menial tasks with his sand was declared "excellent training" by the _beautiful green beast of Konoha _while the _number one knucklehead ninja_ muttered ominously that Gaara was even more of a lazy-ass than Shikamaru.

But poor, unfortunate Gaara had still not reached the end of his long day yet. As though the hardship of getting through the streets of his very own desert town without being either attacked by fangirls, force-fed tastes of tonight's party foods and avoiding assassination attempts weren't enough, poor, unfortunate Gaara still had one more thing to endure . . .

"**SURPRISE!**" The sensitive ears of the boy nearly caved in from shock, and though any reaction to this cry of delight was hidden, near-death experiences in the form of heart attacks were experienced.

"do you like it!?" slurred his inebriated brother "it was a surprise"

"yeah" added his equally alcohol soaked sister "a surprise party"

The two of them stumbled away, giggling and while the party-goers were busy being deafened by his green and orange clad companion Gaara murmured "Yes. It is . . . super."

END!

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hehe we heart reviews ;D

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	5. Sasori and Shino, January 23rd

**Discalimer: **I am unfortunately in possesion of no small area of Naruto or any of the characters

**Warnings:** None!

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Akasuna no Sasori / Aburame Shino – January 23rd

_Human lives pass like grains of sand through an hourglass, measured by the turning of the years which begin and end with just one day we think to be individual to each of us. But how many others are there that share this most special of days?_

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**Like the bugs that inhabit my body and feed off my chakra, so we humans inhabit the world and devour its energy. Living and dying in a continuous circle, we measure our lives on our own individual scales, each person aging on their respective ways.**

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_To be alive is to suffer from the pain inflicted upon us by the world in which we live. Physical or emotional trauma is soon enough entered into our lives and so we use this one day a year to help us count down the moments until we can escape into death; our final release which renders us no more._

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**To celebrate each day is to show how much longer you have lived than the rest, but sooner or later – when you live too much longer than everyone having clung onto life by whatever means necessary – you begin to dream of the days when the rest of the world was a part of you, when you shared with it the joys and pains of a young life filled with new experiences.**

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_Being made of wood and paint and metal joints, I am no longer human. I no longer count down the days to a death which I know will never come. I am immortal and I do not feel the pain of others, I do not allow myself to be involved in their fleeting existences. I am the personification of art. I will last forever, and those who come after me will see only raw, everlasting beauty before they breathe their last breath._

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**Those individual days which are never truly individual shine so brightly in the minds of others and in our own memories that the next one is something to look forward too. Another excuse to look back at the past, to measure how far you've come, to gather together your precious people and enjoy them as though it were your last day alive – because in this life you don't know it won't be.**

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_And with this knowledge of my own self-made immortality comes the undying certainty that nothing can hurt me. Beneath these two wooden shells there is but the tiniest semblance of mortality, too small to be touched and unable to be reached by a single soul – because no man has the power to tear away what I have created and what I have kept hold of for so many worthless mortal turnings of this year-long hourglass. It is mine and I count the years, not to my never-closer demise, but since the day I became a true, living work of art._

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**Each movement within me, each new life being born into my body ensures that my end is further and further away. The power that is created and placed inside me had its own limit, one that will not be reached until I have found my own. With each new celebration individual only to me, I should be coming closer and closer to my end, but instead that end moves further and further away.**

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_My immortality is irremovable, incapable of being destroyed._

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**My immortality rests solely on how I protect it. I can protect myself from man-made threats, but eventually nature will re-claim my power.**

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_**So I wonder how many others share my  
**__**Individual day? How many of them . . .**_

** Increase their power to retain immortality?**

_ Count down the days  
to their death?_

_**How many others are thinking what  
**__**I'm thinking right now? How many others . . ?**_

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_Owari!_

Thanks for reading! :3


	6. Namikaze Minato, January 25th

**Warning:** None!  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine :C  
**A/N:** Thanks to _Feilyn _for letting me borrow her Kushina (I didn't use her as much as I wanted, but I hope I did her justice) and to _Everybody's Neesan _for the story prompt ( I really needed it, so I hope that even if this isn't quite what you'd expected you'll like it)

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Namikaze Minato – January 25th

It was cold in the hidden leaf village; uncharacteristically so. And as one Namikaze Minato pointed out to the great distress of his team, a perfect day for climate training.

So it was that the four members of team Minato were stood by Konoha's lake which was frozen solid and would most likely remain so until the end of February. Obito and Rin stood fairly close together, sharing warmth and delivering equally potent death-glares to their beloved sensei, while Kakashi stood a little way off, apathetic expression pasted across his half-covered face. Konoha's Yellow Flash however was gleefully rubbing his mittened hands and would have looked positively diabolical were it not for the fluffy neon-pink earmuffs Kushina onee-chan had created for her husband and forced upon his head earlier that morning.

A particularly surprised Rin had informed him that they clashed horribly with his hair and the red flame lining on his coat (before she could stop herself you understand). Minato had remained perfectly calm, merely smiling benignly at the Kunoichi's comment; however Obito's declaration that he looked "snazzy" had not gone down quite so well with the blonde – or with the team's genius who had fixed Obito with a poisonous glare due to his use of such a word.

His mood having plummeted at the comments on his somewhat peculiar taste in headgear (even Kakashi deigned the earmuffs worthy of a raised eyebrow) Minato immediately ditched the idea of allowing them to ditch training for the day and instead announced to them that training _would_ be taking place and would be yet more rigorous than usual.

"Right then" the sound caught all three student's attention and they turned to see their sensei with – what they all later agreed – was the most terrifying grin they had ever seen "strip."

Three jaws fell to the ground in shock.

"And then they pushed me into the lake" Minato finished mournfully as both his sensei and his wife howled with laughter.

Namikaze Minato had returned home, dripping with ice-cold lake water to a thoroughly unsympathetic wife who had towelled him down fairly roughly before sitting him down in front of a newly made fire and throwing a blanket at his head before finally presenting him with a new and even more terrifying neon pair of earmuffs (this time orange) and demanding he tell her the whole story that she might spread the apparently fantastically amusing news that he had been taken down by three still slightly awkward genin.

Jiraiya had soon joined and the blonde imparted – somewhat miserably – the knowledge that testing the limit of a Hatake, an Uchiha and a ruthlessly trained Medic nin was apparently not a good idea.

The team had unwillingly shed themselves of their outer layers and proceeded to train atop the frozen lake; slipping and sliding like puppies on a laminate floor. Needless to say the three supremely dangerous ninja had not appreciated either this or other similar analogies their sensei had spurted and began to build dangerously.

Several dunkings in the lake through kunai cracked ice and Minato's jokes were no longer bearable. Rin was the first to snap, launching herself at the snugly dressed sensei with his ridiculous, lurid earmuffs, closely followed by Obito spurting a _Housenka no Jutsu_, which caused the entirety of the lake's surface to melt and collapse, and the unprepared yellow flash to topple into it.

When he finally emerged, dripping mournfully, even Kakashi's mask had twitched in display of the silver haired teen's amusement.

As Jiraiya and Kushina wiped away their final tears of laughter at their favourite blonde's misfortune, the doorbell rang and Kushina rose to answer it.

"Sensei!" the shrill voice of his female student rang through the entrance hall, harmonising with Kushina's snorts of laughter at both her reliving of the day's activities and the expressions on the male team mate's faces as she jammed a pair o earmuffs onto each of their heads. "Why didn't you tell us?" Rin demanded cryptically in the usually optimistic sensei's opinion.

"Tell you what?"

"Well . . . Happy Birthday!" she crooned

"It's you what!?" Both wife and sensei screeched in unison

Minato turned to Kakashi "This is your fault! You told them!" Kakashi had the dignity to look sheepish.

"He wouldn't tell us where he was going –" began Obito

"So we tickled it out of him" Rin finished

"I can't believe that runt knew and we didn't" Jiraiya grumbled

"This calls for alcohol!" declared Uzumaki Kushina, who appeared to have produced several bottles of sake out of nowhere "I'll be angry with _you_ later" she added to her husband who grinned nervously

"What will she do?" whispered Obito nervously

"Probably beat me senseless with her plait" his sensei replied weakly and Obito turned a little green.

Several alcohol soaked hours and a good many embarrassing secrets later, the relatively (key word relatively) sober Namikaze and a tee-total Hatake were putting the others to bed.

Jiraiya had somehow fallen asleep in the bath and so needed only a blanket over him, Obito and Rin were entangled on the sofa and so received the same treatment and the lovely Kushina was still wandering around the garden and so Minato – being the ever loving he husband he was – carried her up to their room, tucking her in gently before returning to his silver-haired prodigy student in the Zen garden.

"So . . . why were you coming over anyway?" Minato asked after a suitable period of silence had been established.

"To say happy birthday" Kakashi replied after a long pause, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, which in retrospect, it was.

"And what would you have done about those two?" he asked indicating his sensei and wife

"I would have said it was about training" the boy explained calmly.

"I think Obito's rubbing off on you" Konoha's yellow flash was returning to his usual demure self in the presence of his prodigal student. Said student raised an eyebrow. _Twice in one day, was I right about the Obito thing?_

"And to give you this" he muttered – embarrassment, was that?

Minato looked down at the gift in his lap, surprised. This was unprecedented! Carefully, he removed the red ribbon and unfolded the pristine white paper to reveal _the_ most awesome pair of white earmuffs with little red flames printed on them and not a hint of neon in sight. By the time Minato had recovered from his shock he realised that Kakashi had already disappeared.

It was only when he wondered what it must have cost the uptight genius to be seen buying earmuffs of all things – neither Minato's birthday nor his odd taste in headgear was well known in the village – the villagers who witnessed it must have had a severe shock (those who witnessed it and lived at any rate).

Also – Minato hadn't remembered what day it was himself until his team's intrusion, but Kakashi had. The most feared Jonin in the five countries felt a rush of the warm fuzzies for his little Kakashi.

Happily putting on his new earmuffs, Minato pouted at his reflection in the Koi pond. _They even match my coat_ he thought as he walked upstairs to join his comatose spouse. _That boy really is a genius_.

Namikaze Minato fell asleep with a smile on his face – he would get the boy back for spilling his secret tomorrow, and he knew just how to do it.

* * *

Owari!


	7. Uchiha Obito, Febuary 10th

**Warning:** Yaoi, lime, etc  
**Disclaimer:** I wish.

* * *

**Aquarius** (water carrier): January 20th – February 18th.

**Zodiac element**: Air

**Chinese equivalent**: Tiger (unpredictable, charismatic)

**Personality**: "masculine", positive, extrovert, strong willed/stubborn, visionary, devoted to goals, rebellious, outspoken.

**Area of the body ruled over**: Ankles, circulatory and nervous systems.

* * *

Uchiha Obito – February 10th

"Ne, ne, Obito?" Rin cooed

"Yeah?"

"When's your biiirthdaaayyy?" she asked him, elongating the last word until even the ever-adoring Obito thought he might snap.

"10th of February" he replied cautiously "why?"

"So you're an Aquarius!" she shouted, startling them all a little.

The terror on all three of her team mates faces as they realised she had re-discovered the joys of western horoscopes was unseen by Rin as she began to search for the definition of an Aquarius in her trusted notebook.

"It says here that you're masculine –" Kakashi snorted, Rin ignored him "– positive, visionary and outspoken"

Obito wasn't quite sure what to think of this "umm" came his articulate reply

"Well I guess that part about "outspoken is nonsense then" their sensei laughed

"Oooh and look!" she cried in delight "It says here that the part of the body you rule over is your ankles! That would explain why you're always twisting them"

Obito smiled weakly and took another sip of his drink. Times like these were the only times his undying affection for Rin came to a standstill.

"And also, your ideally matched signs are Libra and Gemini. Hey Kakashi's a Libra! Maybe you two would make a good couple?"

Obito promptly spat out a mouthful of water while Kakashi who had only been half-listening jerked forwards in surprise. There was a choked giggle from the corner in which their sensei was sat.

"W-what?" Obito managed to gasp out while Kakashi sat stone-still staring blankly at the wall of the restaurant.

"What's wrong?" Rin asked bemusedly

"Yeah, I think you two would make a lovely couple" Minato added, wiping a tear from his eyes.

"I have to leave" both Kakashi and Obito declared in unison – not even turning to scowl at each other – as they turned and fled to their respective homes.

"Did I say something wrong?" Rin asked her sensei, wide-eyed.

Minato just laughed.

The next day, Obito inadvertently bumped into Kakashi outside Konoha's X-Rated shop.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" the Uchiha yelled loudly as he hit the ground.

"Idiot" muttered Kakashi; looking over the top of his newly purchased neon-orange book to see who it was that had collided with him. Letting out a long-suffering sigh, he heaved the angry Obito up from the ground and patted him down absently. Obito stood scowling.

"Why is it that when I run into you, _I_ end up flat on my back with _you_ over the top of me?"

Kakashi idly wondered whether Obito knew how that could be interpreted by a teen who had just spent the whole morning reading porn. Particularly when the porn-reading teen had also spent the entire night considering Rin's suggestion that he and Obito would make a good couple.

He doubted it.

"I thought Ninjas didn't read porn" Obito said slyly and Kakashi twitched slightly.

"They don't" he replied.

" . . . " Obito wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

"I thought –"

"I thought all Uchihas were incredibly good looking and highly skilled. You proved to be an exception" Kakashi interrupted

"HEY!"

"Yes?" he asked benignly.

"I hate you so much" Obito muttered weakly

"No you don't"

"Yes I do"

"No you don't"

"Yes. I. _Do_!"

A long pause . . .

"No you don't"

"Ahhrgh! You're so . . . so . . . contrary"

"That's rather a _long_ word for you isn't it?"

Obito scowled, suddenly realising that his chance to escape was now. The Uchiha compound was just up ahead, all he had to do was yell an insult and dash inside before Kakashi could yell one back.

"PERVERT!" he screamed loudly and made a mad dash inside the compound Kakashi could follow, sprinting into his house to the shock of both his parents and coming to a halt only when he was safe inside his bedroom, and allowing himself a diabolical chuckle.

"Did you really think that would work?" Kakashi asked mildly, smirking beneath his mask as Obito shot a foot up in the air, pulling out a handful of kunai.

"H-how?"

Kakashi didn't answer immediately, simply snapped shut the neon book and advanced towards his "prey" as he slipped it into his pouch.

"How isn't important. Let's focus on why"

"Ah . . . alright then . . . why?" Obito asked nervously

"To get you back for calling me a pervert. _Obviously_."

"Y-you started it!" Kakashi was slowly backing the Uchiha into a corner "B-besides, you can't be the real Kakashi because Kakashi's only a closet pervert!"

"Well" Kakashi pretended to be thinking "I'm quite happy to corner you in a closet" Kakashi put a finger to his mask and tugged it down, causing his team mate to blush. He had finally pinned Obito down. Or so it would seem.

In a mad bid for freedom Obito slipped under Kakashi's arm, put on a burst of speed and promptly twisted his ankle, falling face-first onto the bed. He rolled over to see Kakashi advancing on him once more, mask still around his neck.

"Why is it" he quoted "that whenever I run into you, _you_ end up flat on your back with _me_ over the top of you?"

"You absolute –" Obito began but was cut off by the sudden pressure of Kakashi's lips against his own. "pervert" he finished weakly as Kakashi moved off from on top of him.

"Who, me?" he asked, pulling the mask back up as he sat next to a shell-shocked Obito, still lying flat on his back.

"This is all Rin's fault" he moaned "Stupid woman. She put these idea's into your head" he began grumbling "you'd be cute together. Aquarius and Libra are soul-mates –"

"Actually I'm a virgo" Kakashi interrupted and pulled out Icha Icha once more, opening it with a flick of the wrist. "Well. Jan ne" he said, holding up his free hand and disappearing in a puff of smoke, leaving a somewhat bemused and thoroughly violated Obito still laid out on his bed.

There was a long pause.

"**I HATE YOU HATAKE KAKASHI!**" he yelled, as loud as he could possibly manage.

From his position atop the Hokage mansion, Kakashi smirked.

* * *

Owari!


	8. Yakushi Kabuto, February 29th

**WARNING**: Slight yaoi (pervy Orochimaru)

**DISCLAIMER**: of course I own it. What is this fan fiction you speak of? It sounds far too  
lowly for a being such as myself . . .

**A/N:** so I feel it's a little weak - review for me and tell me what you think, constructive criticsm welcome (on the upper note: IT'S FINALLY UP!)

* * *

Yakushi Kabuto – February 29th

Kabuto has wish, and that wish is his only wish at this point in time. It's not all that much to wish for, but as the screams, groans and other anonymous mutterings from patients and test-subjects alike grow into a cacophony of sound, Kabuto can see his wish disappearing into the valleys of beyond – from whence it will never return to be made into a reality (and with it, we may add, goes his last shreds of sanity).

Kabuto is alone in his hospital ward, which doubles as a laboratory, with no one (no one important at any rate) to hear his curses and threats. Unfortunately the test-subjects have also realised this and one particularly brutal and unhappy man has broken off the leg of his bed – the sound going unnoticed beneath the clamour of the laboratory – and is advancing towards the silver-haired medic at a worryingly deliberate pace.

All the other occupants of the room are too busy with their own problems to warn Kabuto of the impending danger, some of them don't seem even to have noticed it, and so when the metal pole meets with the back of Kabuto's head, he feels no pain, and only dimly registers his tray of instruments crashing to the floor and his vision going grey and hazy before finally disappearing altogether.

* * *

When Kabuto regains consciousness he slowly takes in the purple hangings and the sand-coloured bed sheets, alerting him to the fact he is currently laid in his master's bed, and in the corner of his eye he can see the fuzzy outline of a pale skinned man with long dark hair.

"Orochimaru-sama?"

"Ah, Kabuto, you're awake"

The fuzzy figure that is Orochimaru moves over to him and it is only when he becomes less fuzzy and particularly close that Kabuto sluggishly realises he is not wearing his glasses.

Orochimaru exhales, his breath cool on Kabuto's bare chest – wait, is he not wearing a shirt?

No, he deduces, he is not fully clothed – and neither for that matter is lord Orochimaru.

"I apologise for my lack of decorum, Orochimaru-sama. I will return to work immediately" Kabuto says and makes to move himself off the bed, but a pale hand firmly presses him back down.

"Perhaps you ought to rest?" Orochimaru replies and smiles predatorily at his subordinate "After all, you've been working _so_ hard lately, I think you deserve it, don't you? After all, it is your birthday"

All these questions were making Kabuto's poor, bruised, head swim; did his master want them answered or were they rhetorical? What were the questions for that matter? The medic-nin opted for the safe answer of "Yes Orochimaru-sama" and it seemed to be the answer the snakelike man was looking for.

"Excellent" he murmured and slid onto the bed next to Kabuto "perhaps I ought to help you relax? As a birthday treat you understand?" He added and ran a hand down the other man's chest, lingering near his crotch and causing Kabuto to jump like a frightened mouse. "come now" Orochimaru reprimanded him and shifted so he was half-leaning on the frightened Kabuto.

The younger man jerked away as Orochimaru moved to claim his lips (at least that was what Kabuto assumed he was attempting to do) and in his fright, he knocked his head hard against the headboard of the bed, once more rendering him unconscious.

* * *

Kabuto woke again, recognising his own, tatty quarters complete with fully dressed and looming Orochimaru, arms folded and a scowl on his eternally youthful face.

"Was it all a terrifying but slightly wonderful dream?" Kabuto wondered, rejoicing silently at the return to normality "Orochimaru-sama" he added out loud "I apologise for my lack of decorum and I fully intend to return to my duties the moment I am able to stand up"

"How very dull of you" Orochimaru smirked "But I suppose that's A-types, ne Kabuto san?" the serpentine sannin swept his gazer over Kabuto's mercifully clothed body and then turned, exiting the room with a sweeping gesture and the words "Stay in bed for today. You're no fun when you're stressed"

And with that he disappeared.

Kabuto was slightly surprised, but ecstatic – he had gotten his wish! A break, a holiday, a time off of dealing with those overly-experimented upon nutters his master insisted on keeping around!

Oh the utter joy and delight!

His door snapped shut as the last of Orochimaru;s subordinates exited the room and Kabuto rolled over, clutching his pillow in joy.

"And now" he told himself "I shall sleep, a dreamless and Orochimaru-free sleep. Amen."

* * *

OWARI!

Ok, so this could really be any day in Kabuto's

Life, not just his birthday, but evil organisations

Don't strike me as the types to celebrate birth


	9. Tenten, March 9th

**Warning**: Hmmm . . . no warnings!! Wow!

**Disclaimer**: I _sob_ don't own _sniffle_ _hic_

**A/N**: Fluff!! I hope its' not too sickly, I think this may be the result of too many chick-flicks making me feel all loved up.

* * *

Tenten – March 9th

"To love is not necessarily to be loved

To live is not always to be alive

And to see is sometimes tom be blind"

Tenten was lying in the rarest of rays of March sunshine with her very favourite Hyuuga right beside her.

"You're quoting again" Neji murmured as he basked in the spring rays alongside his wife.

"You love it really" she replied happily, sensing her husband rolling onto his side and smiling as he studied her intensely.

"You'll make us all soft" he accused her with a loving smirk

"Allow me my pleasures,

For tomorrow we may die"

"There you go again" Tenten also rolled over and opened her eyes to the pale-eyed man in front of her

"We've known each other a long time. We've loved each other a long time. We've learnt to accept each other over the years" she reminded him in jest.

"And we promised we would continue that acceptance throughout our lives" Neji added

"Sealed it with a kiss" agreed Tenten

They stared at each other for a long while, drinking in the yellow rays of sun through newly sprouting leaves and enjoying the gentle breezes playing through their hair.

"I want to be able to give you something today" Neji murmured, reaching for _his_ Tenten's hand.

"What can you give me that you haven't already? You gave me yourself at the expense of your position in the Hyuuga family. What more is there to give?"

"How about a family?" Neji suggested softly.

Tenten sat up slowly and pulled out her hair ties to run her hands through those dark, silky tresses. It helped her to think.

"Will you stay with me until our child is born?" She said finally

"I would stay by your side until the day you died if you asked it of me" he said and kissed her softly "so how about it?"

"I think, Hyuuga Neji, that you really are a genius. And I love you."

Neji didn't reply, but Tenten knew he didn't need to. She knew that he loved her and he knew that he loved her, and if they already knew that why bother saying it?

"We can only hope it's as beautiful as you are" Neji murmured in a very un-Neji like manner.

Tenten smiled and lay on her back, the sun shining down and warming her eyelids. She had no need to reply to that either. A rustling beside her informed her that Neji had also returned to his position and she felt for his hand, squeezing it tightly for a moment before simply letting their entangled fingers lie on the cool grass.

"I love you Hyuuga Neji" she murmured again, and beside her, Neji smiled.

* * *

Owari!


	10. Haruno Sakura, March 28th

Sakura – March 28th

**11:00am**

It was March the 28th and the males of team seven had taken it upon themselves to bake their female team mate a birthday cake. Well, Naruto had taken it upon himself and dragged Sasuke into the bargain, Kakashi had decided that after his team's last disastrous attempt at what they had loosely labelled "food", he had better keep an eye on them so as not to loose Sakura to food poisoning – the idea of free cake mix had, of course, nothing to do with it. Nothing at all . . .

And so, with the largest kitchen available in the Uchiha compound, and a stock of ingredients large enough to last a lifetime (or a day of team seven's attempts at cooking), the cake-making began.

The first batch was . . . interesting, and so as Naruto began to fill his cake tin with the suspiciously green cake mixture, Kakashi decided he would be forced to intervene at some point – or perhaps an act of sabotage might be more suitable?

They waited for the time allotted by the cookbook, and then, in a cloud of noxious smoke, they removed the cake from the oven. It was at that moment that an energetic youth, wearing a colour similar to that of the cake, dropped by the Uchiha residence in search of Kakashi so he might deliver a challenge to the masked man from his beloved Gai-sensei.

"Yosh! Naruto-kun, what a youthful looking cake you have baked" he cried, momentarily distracted from his mission

"It's for Sakura-chan!" the blonde replied in an equally loud voice

"Then I will bake one also! For I cannot loose Sakura-san to anyone! We shall make it a challenge! Whoever wins will be Sakura-san's love!"

Sasuke (who had been staring in a manner as horrified as an Uchiha was able) rolled his eyes at this and, as punishment, was made to referee the contest. This, as Kakashi gleefully pointed out, meant he would have to taste each of the cakes.

* * *

**01:30pm**

Two very long, very messy hours later, Naruto and Lee had almost finished their cakes. All that remained was to cook them. The oven, however, had suffered quite horribly from Naruto's first attempt and so the team (plus Lee and minus Kakashi, who had disappeared to read Icha Icha rather than fix the oven) began to ponder on how to cook them.

It was Sasuke who came up with the not-so-bright idea of cooking them with one of his favourite fire-jutsu. Needless to say the Konoha fire brigade were involved and all that remained was half a kitchen and some scary looking cake particles. Though the result hadn't been quite what he'd expected, it seemed to work in Sasuke's favour nonetheless.

"you both loose" he deadpanned, sending both brightly coloured boys off for a short spell in the emo corner of doom.

* * *

**02:00pm**

The defeated boys decided to call someone for help, but before they could, another of Sasuke's "bright ideas" attacked him like a pack of rabid squirrels.

After managing to persuade both Naruto and Lee to accompany him to the local cake shop and sitting them down in the corner with a selection of pastries, Sasuke managed to score himself a demonstration of how to create one of the most complex of all cakes.

So as the assistant began to show Sasuke how to "create!" he whipped out his Sharingan and refrained himself from emitting evil laughter. This, he assured himself, would end up on the list of MOST BRILLIANT PLANS OF ALL TIME.

* * *

**04:00pm**

Yet another two long hours later, Sasuke was putting the finishing touches to his very own . . .

"Wedding cake? You made Sakura a wedding cake?" Tenten asked in disbelief

"Burn it Sasuke. Burn it well. Burn it _now_." Neji added. The two of them had come in search of Lee to find him for training. Lee and Naruto however were lost in amongst the mini-city of the Uchiha residence.

Sasuke, only just fully taking in his masterpiece, turned paler than ever and unleashed his strongest fire-jutsu. Once again all that was left was half a kitchen and cloud of not quite so suspect cake particles.

"well done" said Neji, patting the shell-shocked and chakra exhausted Sasuke on the back.

* * *

**04:15pm**

"It's almost time to meet Sakura-chan!" the newly retrieved Naruto whined "and her cake still isn't ready!"

"There's only one other option" Kakashi said- he too had returned from Kami only knows where - "but you're not going to like it"

"What is it?"

"You'll have to ask for Ino's help"

All three boys froze in terror – long enough for Kakashi to transport all of them over to the Flower shop and Ino's house without resistance.

* * *

**05:00pm**

The process was not so painful as each had expected it to be, but all of them were bullied into buying very large and expensive bouquets. All but Sasuke that is, who picked up a Venus Flytrap for his pink-haired team mate. Ino winced at his choice, but shrugged nonetheless, thinking: _It's the thought that counts . . . _

She carefully placed the perfectly fluffy sponge with its fresh strawberry filling and whipped cream topping into a pink and white box, placing a perfectly cut pink marzipan Kanji reading "Sakura" on the top and tying the box up with white ribbon. She then handed it to Naruto saying "Don't let Chouji anywhere near it"

"Don't let me anywhere near what?" Chouji had appeared as if from nowhere. He sniffed the air experimentally "Is that . . . Ino's cake?" he sniffed again and the tension in the room grew.

"Uhm . . . no?" Naruto tried, a little too late.

Chouji's eyes narrowed and filled with flames, a battle was about to commence . . .

* * *

**06:55pm**

After the scuffle that followed, a particularly bruised but victorious group of Genin arrived at Sakura's house. The Cake was miraculously unharmed, as Shikamaru had arrived partway through the battle and managed to keep a hold of his pleasantly plump team mate while the rest scarpered.

And so, at approximately **07:21pm,** after the present giving had ended with Sakura accepting Sasuke's Venus Flytrap with a bemused smile, Ino's cake was opened, and the best part of the evening began . . .

End!

* * *

ehehe hope you enjoyed it!

please feel free to message me or review with ideas for other character's birthday stories (the plot bunnies are getting dangerously hungry). 'tis all!


	11. Deidara of the Akatsuki, April 3rd

Deidara – April 3rd

Once upon a time in the Akatsuki base, Deidara was preparing for his birthday. His best Akatsuki cloak was all laid out, his Sasori-danna had gone off to find bodies for his puppets all day and somewhere in the maze that was the Akatsuki hideout, Tobi was baking.

_Just another moment closer to death_ the just-turned 19 year old thought to himself cheerfully.

All was seemingly well, but this was soon to change, for as "wonderfully" as the day began, Leader was about to make it so much worse with the decision that he would send the birthday blonde on a gruelling mission to his home village – with only Tobi for company.

* * *

"Tobi is a good boy, a good boy, a good boy  
Tobi is a good boy, all day long" sang the childish Akatsuki member as the pair set out on their mission.

Deidara groaned. He hated missions and he hated Tobi.  
_Another mission closer to hanging myself_. There was that cheerful little voice again

"Tobi? Un"

"Yes senpai?"

"If you do not remain silent for the rest of this mission then when we return to the Akatsuki base, I will blow you to tiny pieces and give you to Hidan for one of his rituals, are we clear? un"

"Sure senpai, I'll be as quiet as Itachi-san!" Tobi replied brightly, but shuddered underneath his mask.

Deidara resisted a jab at Itachi, knowing that if he broke the silence that had so far lasted for a record time of five seconds, he would never again know the meaning of the word.

Ten minutes later however . . .

"Deidara senpai?"

"No. un"

"Senpai?" no answer "seeenpaaaiii?" still no signs of life "I'm tired senpai. Iwagakure's a long way away"

"Tobi? Shut up! Un"

"Right senpai, I am now in a permanent state of shutting-up-ness."

"Good, un"

"But senpai –"

"FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER THE HELL YOU BELIEVE IN! SHUT UP, LEAVE ME ALONE AND STOP BEING SO DAMNED PERKY!"

"You're mean senpai" Tobi let out a little sniffle and added, in an unknown moment of genius, "I know you're upset because it's your birthday and you have to work, but –"

"Damn straight it's my birthday!" Deidara exclaimed suddenly "Let's go get drunk"

"Huh? But senpai –"

"Shut up, un. Just let me go get drunk and forget how much closer I am to death, like a normal shinobi"

"Uh . . . Sure, senpai" Tobi conceded and the pair began to search for a bar that would not overreach the low standards of Kakuzu's assigned budget.

* * *

One bottle of sake and several shots of some lethal bottom-of-the-barrel tequila later, Deidara was very, very drunk.

"I mean, why can't I? un"

"Uh . . . why can't you what senpai?"

"Why can't I . . . . . why can't . . . . why . . ?" There was yet another silence. This time it was due to the fact that Deidara had fallen into a drunken slumber.

Looking around quickly, to check no one was watching, Tobi picked up the empty sake bottle off the floor where it had fallen, and rapped his partner round the head with it.

"I'm awake!" the blonde yelled, sitting bolt upright "uh, where were we? Un."

"You were telling me how much you love me" Tobi lied

"Oh yeah – hey no! TOBI . . . ah forget it, un"

Silence descended.

"Say senpai?"

"What? un"

"Why do you look like a girl?"

Deidara was so surprised he spat tequila all over his partner. Fortunately for Tobi his orange mask protected him from this little outburst.

"I don't look like a girl! Un" there was a long pause "do I?"

"Yup!" Tobi continued happily "I always thought you were, but then I asked Sasori-san why he was having sex with a girl when he liked boys and he said it was because you were a boy really. And then I asked him why he was having sex with you anyway and he said it was because you had a huuuge package"

Deidara was choking quite badly now, clutching at his neck and coughing all over the place in his surprise at Tobi's bluntness and idiocy.

When he finally re-surfaced and drew breath enough to move, the blonde bomber grabbed Tobi by the neck of his cloak and prepared himself to beat the boy to a bloody pulp.

"Umm . . . Deidara senpai?" Tobi squeaked quickly before the beating could commence.

"What? un" Deidara hissed back

"What's a package?" It was at this moment that Tobi found himself released from the grasp of his very drunk and very angry team-mate while said team-mate bashed his head repeatedly against a wall.

"We're leaving, un" Deidara has stopped his head-bashing as quickly as he had started it, turning back to the table to pick up his cloak and hat. "and you're paying, un"

"eh!? But senpai!"

"It's my birthday" was his only reply "I shouldn't have to pay to destroy my body on my birthday" _I should be able to forget how close I am to death for free_ he added in his head.

* * *

The mission was a failure.

Deidara was hung over (or possibly still a little drunk) and as Tobi had been instructed to avoid fighting at all costs – this was really only staff training for him – the blonde had received a severe beating.

It was only after Tobi had dragged a comatose Deidara back to the hideout three days later that his senpai awoke. The blonde had been diagnosed with severe head injuries, stomach poisoning and the re-opening of an old wound. Tobi stopped by the hospital in which Deidara had been dumped so graciously by the Akatsuki and was there when the "artist" finally awoke.

"Deidara senpai!" he called happily

"Tobi, still as perky as ever, un." came the grumbled reply

"oh, is that a bad thing? Zetsu-san told Tobi to be a good boy so Tobi is trying his hardest, but –"

"No" He was cut of harshly "It's good. Stay that way for as long as possible and don't think about death, but die with a smile on your face, un" _I thought that was it for me, that death had finally come for me_ "So that at least one of us will know what it's like to be satisfied, un" he continued out loud.

"Um, sempai? Happy Birthday, sorry it's late . . ."

Deidara turned his bandaged head to the window, and smiled while Tobi couldn't see. _Die with a smile on your face. That means you too Deidara . . . . . ._

* * *

END!!

Sorry I'm not quite sure how that turned semi serious! ;;


	12. Akimichi Chouji, May 1st

**Warning:** None!

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not mine, not mii-ine!

* * *

Akimichi Chouji – May 1st

Chouji loves birthdays.

Chouji loves birthdays because Chouji loves parties

And this is because parties mean party food.

In Summary, Chouji loves party food.

He loves the little round biscuits with the holes in the middle and the multicoloured icing on top

He loves the tiny slices of pizza and the cocktail sausages and the mini sausage rolls.

He loved the exotic snacks served at Ino's Indian-themed party – the bhajis the samosas, the pakora.

He also loved the chunks of cheese and pineapple on toothpicks served at Shikamaru's party – Temari had made them specially and there had appeared to be an in-joke going there.

Chouji loved Sakura's 18th birthday party – a cocktail party – at which he managed to get himself slightly tipsy simply from eating the alcohol soaked fruits out of the multicoloured drinks.

Chouji loved his own birthday when they had been on a mission in water country and discovered an exciting new taste sensation called "steak". It had been hard to eat with the knife and fork, but well worth it in the end.

But what Chouji really loves about his own birthday is when Ino makes him his very own birthday cake which he doesn't have to share with anyone. With it's big red kanji of his name and its exact amount of candles that are always blown out with help from his team, and it's delicious spongy centre with just a hint of vanilla and foil-wrapped voucher for the all-you-can-eat barbecue place.

So really, Chouji loves birthdays because Chouji loves food, friends and everything else that comes with that delightful day filled with new taste sensations and old favourites.

And Chouji loves his own birthday, his own party and his own party food most of all.

* * *

Owari!


	13. Kankuro, May 15th

Kankuro – May 15th

**Disclaimer**: must I say it?

nods

sigh Don't own 

**Warning**: slight fluff, but hopefully no OOCnes.

Kankuro – May 15th

It was one of those days in Suna. The kind of day where everybody knew something should be happening, but nothing ever did. Kankuro was aware what this something was only aware of what this something was when he stood up to check his hair in the mirror and saw _**Happy Birthday Little Brother! :D**_ scrawled in huge purple letters across its reflective surface, courtesy – he assumed – of his dear elder sister Temari. He shrugged, still too tired to get angry over such a thing, turning then to apply his make-up, and discovering that it had all been used up to write said birthday message.

Kankuro was not amused.

"TEMARI!"

The battle-cry was carried all the way from the Kazekage mansion to where Kankuro's esteemed alder sister – creator of the mess – was sat at the edge of the village atop a half-buried Buddha statue and nibbling at a long-horded bar of Suna's finest chocolaty goodness.

It wasn't long before Kankuro found his beloved sister, fuming mad and still reeling from the villagers looks of shock at him running through their midst wearing only his purple kitty-print pyjamas – he only hoped they wouldn't realise it was him due to lack of aforementioned makeup.

His mood did not improve when Temari, sensing the death waves emanating from her newly 16 year old brother, turned and smirked at him.

"What was that for!?" he shrieked – yes shrieked – and stomped up to where the cause of his problems was currently basking in the early morning desert sun.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean" she replied, and another smirk slid across her face.

"You used all my make-up to write that stupid message! Couldn't you at least have used your own?" he said, suddenly realising what a tiny thing he was stressing about.

"I don't wear makeup" she replied bluntly, causing Kankuro to freeze and emit a little sound along the lines of _"gah"_. "Do you remember what the message said?" Temari asked, suddenly serious.

"Yeah . . ." Kankuro was somewhat confused "It said happy birthday . . . right?"

"Right" she paused at the brunette's blank look "Why do you think I wrote that message?"

"Too annoy me of course!"

Temari could have smashed her head against a wall repeatedly, asked the same question and probably have gotten the same answer. She drew in a deep breath and released it in the form of a long-suffering sigh. "Little brother, did you realise what day it was when you woke up?"

Kankuro thought back . . . "No"

"I didn't think you would have –"

"Ah-ha! So it was reminder?" Temari smacked him around with her fan, a vein growing larger and more obvious on her forehead in her irritation.

"DON'T INTERRUPT!" she yelled. Kankuro, clasping his poor bruised head glowered at his violent elder sibling and nodded sullenly. "Ahem. You didn't remember your birthday because no one ever does in this village. Gaara's birthday was the first to be celebrated in decades. You not remembering your birthday is, well its normal I suppose, what's not normal is how you spend every other day"

"Eh? What do you --"

"You're constantly thinking about other people. You never have time for yourself – and don't tell me your tinkering around in that workshop is your own time because I know it's not. You do it for the village. You do it to protect our little brother and your new, stronger bond with him. You do it to protect him in order to make up for all those years he never needed protection and you never gave it. Your puppets are created for the good of others so that they can relax while you work your stupid ass off to make sure they're safe."

"Temari . . ." she turned away from him, arms folded

"You never have time for yourself" she muttered "that's what this day is supposed to be for – for thinking about yourself and for relaxing and for making other people look after _you_, not the other way around"

"Sis, I –"

"Don't bother" she snapped, adding more gently "just promise me you'll take this day off?"

"Sure sis, whatever you say" Kankuro agreed slowly, no longer rubbing his gargantuan bruise, but instead watching Temari very carefully. She stood with her back to him a little longer; head tilted upwards at the clouded sky, but then turned back and grinned happily.

"Here" she called, tossing a small package into the puppet master's lap

"Huh? What's this?" Kankuro asked, turning it over in his hands

"It's a tradition in Konoha to give people gifts for their birthdays" she said, walking back in the direction of the village centre "open it."

Kankuro stared after his sister – she really was a little too soft centred for a Shinobi sometimes – and then back at his present. Undoing the purple ribbon on his little parcel, Kankuro gasped in surprise when the wrapping fell open to reveal four perfectly carved figures that had been lost so long he'd forgotten their existence.

Three of them were as badly painted as ever (though at the time they'd seemed masterpieces), red and green splodges was the tiny baby Gaara (who had not yet been born yet), a somewhat oddly coloured one he assumed was Temari, and the purple one was, without a doubt, him. The fourth one was painted with far more skill, and was almost lifelike.

It was the master doll from which the other three had been copied and the blonde hair, blue-green eyes and long blue and white kimono were applied with such grace that they reflected exactly the woman who had created it: his mother. Temari had finally returned his last link to the long-dead but eternally beautiful woman.

Inside the package was a small note written in almost illegible hand-writing and another in a far neater hand. The neat one was his mother's and read:

_Kankuro, I hope that you will allow these dolls to guard you in my place when I am gone, I know that you will not be able to read this until much later and I am sorry I will not be able to be there. Look after your family, but remember also to look after yourself. Remember me always and I, too, will watch over you through these dolls,_

_Your ever-loving mother._

The second, almost unreadable note was shorter and he guessed it was Temari's.

_What she said._

Was all it read. Kankuro read both and then gripped the four dolls more tightly.

"Thank you . . . Onee-sama, okaa-san"

* * *

_Owari!_


	14. Umino Iruka, May 26th

**Disclaimer: **Who me? Nope!

**Warning:** Yaoi, itsy bits of fluff

Umino Iruka – May 26th

Iruka loves May.

Not only because it is the month of his birth, but because it is the beginning of so much that he adores.

He loves it because it is a month in which he can lay beneath the cherry blossoms and enjoy the scented pink snow that covers him, taking his worries away when the May winds blow the petals from their resting places on his body.

He loves May because he can sit in the classroom and watch his students scurrying home at the end of the day, pausing only to buy a frozen treat from Konoha's first ice-cream sellers of the season.

Iruka loves May because he can begin to teach his class outside, and watch them blossom like the Sakura that surround the academy.

Because he can sit in the shade of Konoha's forest and eat his own ice cream bought for him by a Kakashi who is all too happy to clean it off his lover's chest when it melts just that little bit too much.

Iruka loves May because he gets to see Kakashi shirtless on a regular basis when training with his team on – but mostly in – the lake.

Iruka loves May because, though not only because, it's his birth month.

He loves it because on the 26th he will get an extra-special kiss from his silver haired lover.

Because his Kakashi, on this day, will be perfectly on time to meet him and to give him that extra-special kiss.

And because after the extra-special night that began with that extra-special kiss, Kakashi will lie with him, watching the perfect moon from wherever they may have ended up.

And finally because at just before midnight he will receive one more extra-special smooch to last him until the next May 26th when he will remember again just how much he loves the month of his birth.

* * *

Hello again! Quite a short one but I think my best . . . please review! x x x


	15. Uchiha Itachi, June 9th

**Disclaimer:** Fmeh, if it was mine we'd be seeing a lot more of _this_ pairing is all I can say.

**Warning: **Yaoi, smut. (possible M rating)

**A/N:** Not the most original of ideas I suppose but it's _my_ version hence I like it none the less. And I am eternally sorry it's two days late, please don't hate me is all I can say . . .

Uchiha Itachi – June 5th

"Man, Pein is a crazy bitch" Kisame moaned, collapsing onto his bunk after a long night of Kabuki dance and Noh theatre – he wasn't made for culture, he had decided.

Itachi said nothing in reply, only looked over his shoulder blankly at his blue-skinned comrade moaning about his numb posterior – swordsmen were not, apparently, made for sitting still for long periods of time – and turned back round, pulling the two crimson chopsticks out of his hair and slowly tying it back into a knot at the base of his neck. He noted that Kisame had stopped his moaning in favour of watching him.

At the first gentle swish that alerted Kisame to his partner's movements, all actions had been ceased in order to make way fort he show. "But what did you think Itachi-san? After all, it was your present" he asked from across the room, still following the lithe man's every move.

"I enjoyed it." Came the quiet reply and Kisame's ears picked up another swish as Itachi's obi was slowly un-knotted and fell to the ground, at the same time raising an eyebrow at his companion's words. Kisame had felt the irritation and killer-intent rolling off Itachi in waves; he was ready to kill someone by the end of the evening. Having not been able to exact his revenge on the numerous lecherous slimes that continued to grope his Itachi throughout the evening, Kisame had also been forced to death glare the bastards that came near _his_ Uchiha.

Kisame continued to watch, entranced, as the rest of the Kimono fell from his lover's pale shoulders and onto the ground in a crimson heap. Slowly, Itachi brushed his right hand down the opposite arm and looked back over his shoulder once more, his eyes no longer crimson, but a deep black.

The swordsman crossed the room in seconds flat, coming to a halt behind the naked Uchiha, threading his arms around the smaller man's waist and whispering gruffly, "You're a tease"

Itachi's response was to raise one arm and stretch it backwards, pulling down Kisame's head to rest on his shoulder. The blue man nuzzled obligingly, before turning his partner round to admire him in all his glory, eyes finally coming to rest on that lingering smirk.

"Y'know Itachi-san?"

"Hmm?"

"It may be your birthday, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you"

Itachi ran his fingers across Kisame's chest before moving them upwards to tug his lover's face down into a passionate kiss

"Well you asked for it" Kisame aid when they broke apart "Don't complain when you're too sore to walk"

"I never do" Itachi murmured still brushing his fingers over the tall man's neck, shoulders, arms and chest.

It was Kisame's turn to smirk now as he pushed his very own Uchiha back onto the bed and went about making that night one to remember.

* * *

_Owari!_

Methinks that was a weak ending, so review, constructive criticism welcome and ideas on nips and tucks also welcome!


	16. Yuhi Kurenai, June 11th

**Disclaimer:** Don't own

**Warning:** Hints of character death, angst :C

* * *

Yuhi Kurenai – 11th June

Two glasses of wine on an empty stomach and I'm already half gone, but I love this feeling.

The slight wobbliness in my legs, the thickness of my tongue that slowly winds its way around the inside of my mouth and the heaviness of my eyelids that are slowly, desperately dropping over these crimson eyes of mine, these eyes that can't quite see straight.

Even as I am thinking this, I am longing for another's legs to wind my own jelly-like ones around. I want another's mouth to explore with my own curious tongue. Another's heat, warmth and passion inside me, surrounding me, holding me close, loving me.

I want _him_.

I felt happy when I was with him though I knew I was being clumsy and soon someone would find us out or I would give myself away to those around me.

I still love him.

I still want him.

I love this feeling.

I love you all.

But one more glass and my love will turn to hate.

It's such a fickle thing, love. Just like alcohol it gives you a sense of security, but it soon disappears - this feeling - when the alcohol runs out or the love is taken away.

I'll say things I'm not supposed to without realising.

The taste of my breath is so familiar, it brings back memories of when it all started, this same summers night from years ago envelopes me and I can almost taste his scent the memory is so strong.

Other noises, other voices seem so loud and I feel the desperate need to get away from them. I stand, bar stool screeching, and my companion and her new best friend turn to look at me, waving me home happily.

I drag my feet through the village but I'm not going to my home, I'm going to his. I can smell him as I walk in the door. I haven't cleaned in case I loose this last, lingering memory.

I find my way to the bedroom and collapse onto the still-crumpled sheets.

I will sleep to the sound of his remembered voice, tears streaming down my face – for once I couldn't care less about rules. I wish he was here with me to celebrate with me. If he had been here maybe I wouldn't have lost the most precious gift he had ever given me.

But wishing cures nothing and I have celebrated this stupid day without him and I am counting down the moments until I can be with him again – or at least not have to deal with the pain of being apart from him.

I fall asleep breathing in the smell of him. The smell of earth and of air and of tobacco and of _him._

I love him. Still. And this love is all I should need. It was his gift to me and I will never forget him.

* * *

OMG ANGST! I am so sorry, it wasn't supposed to be this bad. I hate angst but it's just so easy to write :C


	17. Kaguya Kimimaro, June 15th

Disclaimer: FAN fiction

**Disclaimer:** FAN fiction. FAN . . . yes? Good, glad we understand 3

**Warning**: Complete crack, OOCness, Yaoi, naughty language, SMUT!

**A/N:** This is the product of an exam-frazzled and sexually repressed mind. Enjoy!

Kaguya Kimimaro – June 15th

"Oh it's on now bitch" Kabuto declared to his silver haired rival, who was currently clutching onto a chunk of his own precious hair.

"You won't win" Kimimaro informed him, dropping the hair and preparing himself for another attack from his long-time rival in love Yakushi Kabuto. "Orochimaru-sensei is _mine_"

The two teens stood in the halls of Oto University, facing each other down, neither prepared to give up and both assured of their own victory. A large crowd had gathered to watch them fight, and bets were being taken.

"Beat the fucking crap out of him Kimi-kun!" Tayuya screeched

"Kill the skank so we can leave Kabuto" came Yoroi's replying encouragement.

Both gangs stared at each other in unconcealed hatred.

Kimimaro and Kabuto ignored their companions as each silver-haired contestant stared the other down. Someone crashed into a wire statuette from the third-year art class in the struggle to place bets and as it crashed loudly to the floor, it was taken as a starting bell and the two warring students leapt at each other; slapping scratching and pulling hair in a way that most certainly did _not_ do the past and present captains of the martial arts teams and justice.

""What is going on here?" a silky voice demanded and the entire crowd went silent and parted, to allow their terrifying biology professor to advance on Kabuto and Kimimaro.

"Orochimaru-sensei!" Kabuto jumped away from Kimimaro – whom he had been pinning against a wall to prevent any further hair-pulling – and bowed slightly.

Kimimaro pushed away from the wall and came to stand next to his rival "accidentally" stumbling and yanking out another chunk of Kabuto's hair and smirking as the other boy yelped.

"Now it matches" he said by way of explanation.

"You gentlemen will both return after your final lecture in order to aid me in cleaning the biology labs, am I clear? Orochimaru demanded

"Yes sensei" murmured both fighters grudgingly.

"Good." There was a long pause. "You may continue" he said with a dismissive wave of his hand and the snake-like sensei sauntered off.

"We will continue _this_ later" Kimimaro hissed and beckoned his four followers after him.

"Who the fucking fuck do they think they are?" Tayuya demanded "bitches" she added for good measure as they walked.

"I have work to do" Kimimaro declared by way of reply and walked off, leaving his four friends in confusion.

"Isn't he usually full of insults for that Kabuto?" Jirobo asked and the others shrugged, each going their own way now the fight was over.

"Well now you're both here, I shall leave you to clean up" Orochimaru told them several hours later when both boys appeared "try not to break anything" he drawled and again sauntered off, well aware of the lustful gazes of both students upon him.

"Keep your hands and eyes _off_ my Orochimaru-sensei" Kabuto demanded as the door closed.

"He's not yours" Kimimaro replied cattily "I was here first anyways"

"Listen you little runt" Kabuto hissed and Kimimaro smirked at his ability to ruffle the elder male so easily. "You may be some fucking genius to have gotten into university at 15, but you won't go very far if you don't start showing some respect for your senpai's"

"Why should I show any respect to a student who failed his entrance exams seven times?" Kimimaro asked sweetly and with a growl Kabuto had bent him backwards over a desk. Kimimaro reached up and quickly wound his fingers into his assailant's hair. "Oh senpai" he breathed "You have such pretty hair. It would be _such_ a shame to have to tear another chunk out of it"

Kabuto pushed him further back across the desk and Kimimaro shivered at the pain. Spreading his hand further around the back of Kabuto's head the made-up boy pulled him forwards and crashed their lips together, bucking his own hips against the elder's and using Kabuto's gasp of shock as a means to shove his tongue into the other's mouth.

For the slightest moment, he felt Kabuto responding, but soon found himself shoved backwards once again as Kabuto stumbled away from him.

"What the hell was that for!?" he demanded.

"Well let's see" Kimimaro pretended to think for a while, leaning against the desk with his arms crossed and resting one finger on his lips. "For a while now, my interest had not been in our delicious sensei, but in_ you_." Kabuto stood, dumbstruck as the younger male pushed himself upright. "You see I've already had my fun with Orochimaru-sensei, and as enjoyable as it was we just wanted different things."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, he wanted Sasuke and I wanted you. So we made a deal. I brought Sasuke to him and in return he aided me in cornering you."  
Kabuto paused for a moment to consider his rival's words and then spat at his feet with a sneer and turned towards the exit.

"I wouldn't bother, the door's locked" Kabuto tried it but found the younger boys words to be true. "There's a reason I made university at fifteen you know. I really am _very_ clever." He smirked and made a pretence of inspecting his nails.

"Why me?" Kabuto demanded.

"You have an excellent brain" Kimimaro shrugged "and" he added as Kabuto snorted "I've seen you in the showers after training _captain_" Kabuto flushed slightly and Kimimaro – sensing an opening – made his way slowly towards him.

"You know you're awfully predatory for such a little kid"

"Trust me senpai. Little is not a word often used to describe me" he said grinning.

"I know" Kabuto admitted "I've seen you in the showers as well"

Kimimaro reached his senpai and grabbed hold of one wrist, placing the opposite arm around his waist. When he had Kabuto in the position he desired, Kimimaro began to unbutton the man's shirt and trailed kisses down his chest.

"Senpai"

"W-what?"

"I want you to fuck me senseless"

"What?" Kabuto repeated, panting

"Right here, right now" demanded Kimimaro

"And why should I – ahhh – do that?"

"Because it's my birthday" Kimimaro informed him

"Well then" Kabuto replied as the younger boy reached his navel "whatever will make you happy on your birthday _kimi-kun_"

Kimimaro smirked into his conquest's stomach.

He always got his way.

OWARI!

Yeah Kimimaro's a slut. But anyways, the original draft for this one was horribly angsty and I preferred this version, so sorrrryyy . . . I'll get round to doing another friendship one soon I hope. x x x


	18. Hyuuga Neji, July 3rd

Hyuuga Neji – July 3rd

Hyuuga Neji – July 3rd

"Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a beautiful princess named Neji"

_Stay calm Neji, stay calm_

"And he was in love with a manly prince"  
_I am only a branch member, I have no right to protest their treatment of me_

"This prince was called Tenten"

"WHAT!?"

_Well, so much for that plan._

" What's wrong onii-chan?" The terror that was sugar-high lady Hanabi enquired innocently. For such a skilled Hyuuga she shared none of her father's sophistication when it came to torturing branch members, yet the impact was not lessened by this.

"Hanabi-chan?" came the dulcet tones of the 'manly prince Tenten' _oh thank god I'm saved!_ "You're not being mean to Neji again are you?"

"Who me?" she asked innocently

"And on his birthday as well" Cried Lee accusingly.

"Branch members don't have birthdays" The two Hyuugas chorused in monotone.

"Rubbish" Tenten snorted "C'mon Neji! Let's go get drunk!"

"On youth!"

"Yeah, sure Lee, on youth, of course" Tenten agreed and dragged the two boys to the nearest bar in order to get absolutely slaughtered.

"And so I was the princess and _she_ was the prince" a somewhat drunken – yet still capable of speech – Neji was telling his story for the nth time to whoever would listen.

"Well," Kiba replied "you do have longer, shinier hair than her"

"Yeah, and you do wear a skirt" Naruto added "And she wears trousers"

The whole of the Konoha Eleven (plus Sai and their senseis') had gathered to celebrate Neji's birthday, though they referred to it as "a celebration of unspecified significance" – Neji was particularly touchy about his position in the Hyuuga clan even two and a half years after his defeat at the hands of Uzumaki Naruto.

"I do not wear a skirt" he muttered through gritted teeth "but thank you for that comment about my hair" he directed this last part at Kiba. Naruto shrugged and went in search of someone to play with.

"You look upset. Do you want to talk about it?" Sai asked, plopping himself down in front of Neji with a smile.

Neji relayed the whole story yet again to his new and willing audience.

"well you do have a very small penis" Sai began, but was hurridley yanked away by Ino, fearing for her new toy's pretty face.

Several hours, many retellings and a whole lot of Sake later, Neji had a cunning plan to regain his manhood. He would prove to everyone that _he_ was the man in his and Tenten's relationship – he seemed to have momentarily and conveniently forgotten that he and Tenten were not, in fact, _in_ a relationship.

"onii-san" Hinata stuttered at her cousin's sudden announcement that he needed Tenten's help, not hers "I d-don't think Tenten knows how to get to th-the compound without L-Lee-kun even when she's sober"

Neji glared.

Hinata glared back.

Neji glared more.

Hinata gave in.

"I-I'll go get her then" she murmured and minutes later, Tenten had appeared to drag her team mate home.

She slung his arm around her shoulder and heaved him up, grinning in a somewhat maniacal fashion. It seemed that she was not entirely sober either.

As the pair of them stumbled through the streets of Konoha, leaning on each other heavily, Neji wondered how, exactly, he would be able to put his cunning plan into action when he could barely walk.

"Uhh . . . Neji? I think we're lost"

Neji raised his head, noticing that he was, indeed, a long way from home. However, he did know exactly where he was . . . and a new cunning plan burst it's way into fruition. "It's that way" he pointed in a vague direction and Tenten readjusted their position that they might be able to walk better.

"Hey Neji look! Hot springs!"

_Score!_ Tenten let go of the Hyuuga prodigy, causing him to stumble slightly. He watched fascinated as she stripped down to her birthday suit – completely unfazed by the fact that Neji was right there. She jumped into the naturally warm pool with a smile on her face "aren't you coming?"

With less haste and more grace than his female team mate, Neji removed his headband and Hyuuga robes, slipping into the water gently and in a way so as not to give Tenten a full view of himself – the same Tenten who was quite happily staring at every inch of his pale but alcohol-flushed skin.

"You're pasty" she informed him, when he was fully submerged

"Humph" came the disgruntled reply

"It's ok, I like that" She said surreptitiously scooting over and following a drop of water down the brunette male's chest with her finger and then proceeding to wind a lock of his hair around that very same finger. Neji gulped. She pressed herself against the Hyuuga, enjoying the way the colour rose to his normally pale cheeks. "besides, you can't complain – you brought us here on purpose"

_that's only partly true_. He muttered in his head and then repeated it out loud.

"So why did you bring me to this secluded spot then Neji-_kun_?"

"To prove that I'm more manly than you . . ." he muttered, concentrating hard on not reacting to Tenten's wandering hands. "But now I feel like the one being seduced"

"If this is what Hanabi was talking about earlier then don't worry"

_??_

"I'll let you wear the pants every now and then, and you can be on top if you really want to"

Neji stiffened. He was not ready for this – copious amounts of sake or no. _Distraction technique Neji, quickly!!_ Thinking fast the Hyuuga whipped out Tenten's hair ties and smirked as her chocolate brown hair cascaded down her shoulders until it stopped at roughly an inch longer than hers. "You have longer hair than me. Looks like I am the man after all" he said and, feeling a little better for this, leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

"Hyuuga Neji, right now I couldn't care less about who's wearing the pants, because if you kiss me like that again I will quite happily be your love-slave for life" Tenten murmured breathily.

Savouring this moment of domination, Neji kissed the girl beside him once more, this time curling his hands around her hips beneath the water.

"Hyuuga Neji" Tenten declared "I am your bitch."

Owari!

Planned to make it fluffy, but studying Freud must be affecting me more than I thought . . . love to reviewers!


	19. Inuzuka Kiba, July 7th

**DISCLIAMER: **me no owny. Nuh-uh.

**WARNING: **None

**A/N: **Sorry it's a day or two late my lovelies, but I had my final Drama performance to concentrate on x x

* * *

Inuzuka Kiba – July 7th

_Inuzuka Kiba is nine years old and has just received his very own nin-dog._

_So far as Kiba is concerned it's a scruffy little runt of a dog, and he wants a kick-ass dog, just like his sister Hana's Haimaru Sankyodai, or even his mother's Kuromaru. _

_His first impressions are not improved when the scruffy little white nin-dog with its floppy ears pees all over him. And on his face no less!_

"_His name's Akamaru" Hana calls, still laughing with his mother at the little white dog's disrespect for his new master "and you'd better look after him! He's your partner now"_

_Kiba glares and little Akamaru gives him a doggy grin._

"_Pfft" Kiba snorts "I would get given a dog like you wouldn't I?"_

_The dog grins again._

"_Akamaru, ka?" Kiba murmurs, softening up a little at his new charges cuteness "I think we could make a good team. Maybe that bladder of yours'll come in useful eh?"_

* * *

Nine years later and Akamaru's accuracy really has come in useful; and not only in battle. In fact on this very day the "dynamic marking" technique was skilfully used to mark out Naruto, Chouji and Sai in one fell swoop – earning Kiba the highest score ever in Ninja Hide-and-Seek.

"Don't you think you're a little old to be playing that still?" Ino asks, fanning herself while Sakura lays in the shade beside her; grunting in agreement but incapable of any other movement (no matter how small) in the glowing summer heat.

"Not while I can still win!" Kiba replies happily. He is, of course, winning.

It had been sake all round for the lot of them on Kiba's 18th, and the heat plus the alcohol is making the majority of people _very_ lazy. Kiba seems to be the only one left standing; even with the sand siblings present.

As the afternoon gets progressively hotter and his companions continually lazier, Kiba decides to take Akamaru on a walk.

As they stroll away from the snoozing group of ninja, Kiba curls his hand into the fur on Akamaru's head and looks down at his furry grin. Akamaru rewards him with the same old doggy grin, only now his teeth are longer.

They pause further down the river and Kiba removes his leather jacket and shoes, dangling his legs in the cool water pensively.

They sit side by side like that for a while, but the moment is soon ruined by Akamaru's impatience as the great white dog bombs into the water, drenching his master at the same time.

"Stupid mutt" Kiba mutters and Akamaru gives him the little doggy grin again.

Just like the very first time he met Akamaru, Kiba is unable to resist that little grin. He smiles too, and when Akamaru closes his eyes and wags his tail happily, Kiba takes the opportunity to belly flop right in front of the dog's nose; causing him to sneeze in surprise while Kiba almost drowns himself by laughing too much.

They drag themselves to the river bank and lie in a wheezing heap.

All the birthday adrenaline had left Kiba and he laid face-down on Akamaru's belly, only just smelling the whiff of wet dog he was now so used to.

"I'm glad I got you Akamaru" he mutters, but the words are barely heard, and he falls asleep almost instantly.

When the others find Kiba, evening has arrived. But he is still snoozing gently; using his very own nin-dog as a cushion.

* * *

OWARI!


	20. Nara Shikaku, July 15th

**WARNING:** None

**DISCLAIMER:** me no owny.

**A/N:** I'm sorry it's late again! I'm a horrible author trying to meet horrible deadlines - you just understand what it's like for me!! .:ahem:. right, sorry dramatics over, and I will try my absolute hardest to start updating on time from now on .

* * *

Nara Shikaku – July 15th

"Hey Shikaku!" Inoichi bellowed up at his lazy team mate from where he was currently stood on the street "You'll never guess what"

With the dignity of a Hyuuga, Shikaku rose from his favourite spot amongst the rooftops of Konoha and peered down into the sunlit street below him.

"What? Is it now?" he demanded with a yawn, noticing that Chouza the bottomless pit was also alongside his loud blonde friend.

Inoichi grinned evilly "Y'know the final of the Chuunin exams? Well it falls right on your birthday!" there was a long silence.

"Well! What do you say to that?"

"Toublesome" Shikaku sighed and waved his friend away lazily, returning to his prime cloud-watching position. _I have to exert myself on my birthday?_ He thought to himself slowly _what a drag._

* * *

The day of the dreaded finals arrived, and Shikaku had been woken up nice and early by his over-excited sensei and half-asleep team mates.

"Get your lazy ass down here" Kaido-sensei had yelled – so loud that half the street had opened up their windows to hurl things at him for disturbing the peace – while Chouza and Inoichi yawned beside him, the larger boy munching sleepily on a breakfast onigiri.

"Yeah yeah" came the muttered reply, and five minutes later Shikaku was outside with them, yawning widely with his hands in his pockets and his Konoha headband tied securely around his right arm.

"So who's up for some last-minute training before their matches?" Kaido asked, grinning hugely. No answers were given; the three boys were stood absolutely still, making no noises or any other sign that could be taken as positive response. "fine. Let's just go and get some breakfast then!" That elicited a great response and Kaido was practically left lying in the dust as his three genin sprinted off to their favourite western-style café for their blood-clotting full English breakfasts.

As they sat, looking out at the world and its inhabitants – all of whom currently seemed to be making their way towards the exam stadium – Shikaku wondered if there might be a way to escape the exams and just spend the day cloud-watching or beating someone at shougi.

Unfortunately it was just as his plan was beginning to form that the team was rudely interrupted by a fellow contestant yelling a message from Kaido at them; to get a move on because the final was about to start.

"That Tsume is too loud" Inoichi grumbled as she scooted off again, having delivered her message successfully "and her dog always smells"

* * *

"WINNER: CONTESTANT YOSHINO!"

That woman had won every single one of her five matches without breaking a sweat, and she was still going strong.

"What a troublesome woman" Shikaku muttered

"Yeah" a red-headed kunoichi from Kirigakure laughed at him "and she's your next opponent"

Shikaku sighed for the nth time that day "of course she is"

As the dark-haired girl walked back to the contestants box, her eyes met Shikakus and they stared at each other for just a moment before Yoshino smirked and looked away.

"How troublesome" Shikaku said to himself yet again

The next battle was over quickly, with victory going to the girl who had just teased him about Yoshino, and Shikaku spent most of it stealing glances at the dark-haired contestant.

"NEXT UP: CONTESTANT YOSHINO vs. CONTESTANT NARA SHIKAKU!"

With yet another sigh, Shikaku slowly dragged himself after his opponent who was already making her way down the stairs and into the stadium.

When the two were down in the stadium and facing each other, Yoshino spoke. "You'd do better just to withdraw now. I won't go easy on you just because you've got a pretty face"

Shikaku put one hand to his scarred and dirty face "you're flattering us both" he told her.

"FIGHT!" Called the examiner, but both contestants had perfected the art of forcing their opponents into attacking rashly and neither of them moved. They both stayed absolutely still until the crowd began getting restless, throwing drinks and wrappers of all kinds at the two of them.

In a flash, Shikaku began moving. He was running faster than anyone was aware he could and kicking up heavy clouds of dust as he went until neither competitor could see the other. To top off the dust shield, Shikaku reached into his kunai pouch and drew out a small mauve smoke bomb. Just as the dust seemed to be clearing, he threw it to the ground, engulfing them in purple smoke.

Inside the purple cloud, Yoshino could hear Shikaku as he cut through the smoke but she couldn't tell what was going at all. Finally the smoke cleared, and her eyes stopped watering allowing her to see that Shikaku was stood opposite her with a small smile on his face. When she attempted to move and found that she couldn't his smile grew wider. "you got me" she told him

"Have I really? I hadn't noticed at all. Must be something to do with this genjutsu"

"How did you see it?" Yoshino asked, and Shikaku pointed to the contestant's box.

"One of the railings should be missing. That Kiri girl took it out with her sword in the last match"

"I can't believe I missed that" Yoshino muttered to herself, stepping out of her fake shadow bonds. "So how do you intend to escape this incredibly well crafted genjutsu?"

"By waiting" he said, and sat down tilting his head back to look at the illusory clouds. "Such an excellently crafted genjutsu needs a lot of chakra. You've used up most of yours in the previous matches"

"I can agree with you there" she muttered and her image sat down opposite him ". . . Fancy a game of shougi?"

"You can do that?" Shikaku was mildly surprised

"How hard is it really, to create a shougi board in such a perfectly controlled genjutsu?" Shikaku still looked somewhat dubious "And I'll make you a deal. Whoever wins the game, wins the match. The loser has to forfeit."

"It's a deal" Shikaku smiled as wide as his lazy face would allow him "This shouldn't be too troublesome at all"

* * *

The exam proctor watched as the glazed look removed itself from both contestants' eyes. Slowly, the dark haired female raised her hand.

"Contestant Yoshino?"

"I withdraw"

There were yells of annoyance and confusion from the crowd as they expressed their distaste at such an action free match (at least it was to them). "I'm all out of chakra" Yoshino explained to the proctor "such an impressive genjutsu obviously takes more chakra than I had left to maintain."

"you're such a troublesome woman" Shikaku muttered, and both the others on the field ignored him.

"WINNER: CONTESTANT NARA SHIKAKU!" the proctor declared and the two contestants exited the stadium together.

* * *

"You ended the genjutsu before we could finish – you still had enough chakra left to maintain it" Shikaku whined once they had left the arena.

"Well, I couldn't let you loose on your birthday now could I?" Yoshino laughed as Shikaku began climbing the steps back to the contestants box.

"Troublesome woman" he told her, straight to her face and the girl laughed again.

"We'll continue that match later" she informed him, pinching his bum on her way past him to the infirmary "maybe I'll even buy you a birthday drink"

Shikaku stared after her lithe frame as it drifted off out of sight.

"She's got you whipped Nara" Inoichi, who had been watching the whole scene, told his slightly stunned looking friend and Chouza nodded, simultaneously munching on another onigiri.

"Troublesome."

* * *

OWARI!


	21. Uchiha Sasuke, July 23rd

**WARNING:** Yaoi

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Sasuke, Naruto or any of the fangirls in this story :'(

**A/N:** I really have no excuse for how late this is - I wrote it months ago! So I am incredibly sorry and I hope you like it and and . . . and I'll update on deadline next time (Shikaku will be appearing alongside Tsunade, so don't forget to jump back to that)

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke – July 23rd

Sasuke was tired. Sasuke was tired because he had been running from his fan-girls since six o clock this morning. To be absolutely correct Sasuke had fleeing from his fan-girls (fan club attacks were the only time an Uchiha was allowed to flee and so this particular Uchiha was taking full advantage of such an allowance.

The reason for his fan-girl's persistence: it was July 23rd – his birthday. And as we all know, birthdays and valentines days are the most dangerous times of years for anyone with a fan club – particularly a shinobi's fan club (whose members are bound to be well trained and incredibly persistent in order to keep up with their "prey").

If he was honest, Sasuke only ever knew or remembered it was his birthday because of his incredibly skilled fan club. The heaps of envelopes on his side of the door and the home made cakes, chocolates, teddies and numerous other gifts that couldn't fit through the letter box and so remained heaped up on his doorstep in piles so high that even the Uchiha genius Sasuke was unable to open his front door.

This day (and Valentines Day) was the only day Sasuke was ever late for training.

This year, some of the more obsessive fan-girls had twigged that Sasuke's inability to exit via the front door would result in him using the back door and so they cleverly ambushed their favourite raven, proceeding to do such unspeakable things to the poor Uchiha that when he finally escaped back into the public eye he felt thoroughly violated.

And it only got worse when he arrived for training.

"Happy birthday Sasuke-kun!" screeched an exuberant Sakura as she handed him a perfectly wrapped rectangle.

"Oh so that's why you're late huh teme?" Naruto pouted and scrunched up his face "'I'm Sasuke, I'm special, I don't have to be on time for training because it's my birthday, I'm too popular to be on time –"

"Naruto! Stop picking on Sasuke-kun"

"But Sakura-chan!" Sakura held up a fist and Naruto was silent

"Yo!" Kakashi had finally arrived "Happy Birthday Sasuke" he added tossing something at his student. Sasuke caught it with one easy move and flipped it over to see what it was

"It's Icha Icha . . ."

"So you can follow in your beloved Sensei's footsteps and become all-powerful, just like you've always wanted" and then Kakashi pulled a move that looked suspiciously like Gai's 'nice guy' pose before adding "training's cancelled" and disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Haha! Oi, Sasuke-teme, lets go eat ramen, I'll let you treat me!"

"Hn" Sasuke responded as he always did and Naruto, as always took it as a yes.

"Well I have to go, don't forget to drop by Ino's Sasuke-kun, I'm sure she's got a present for you!"

"Hn" Sakura also took this as a yes

"Huh? She didn't try to force herself on you or invite herself along, what's going on?"

"Huh" the ever-articulate Sasuke muttered and Naruto was too busy drooling over ramen to translate it (into: "she's seeing Lee and she guessed I'm gay – which is more that I can say for you, loser")

"Teme" Naruto said yet again and stuck out his bum, wiggling it in Sasuke's direction and saying in his best girly voice "'I'm Sasuke, I'm better than you, I don't even need to use words I'm so special' huh!"

"Usuratonkachi" Sasuke murmured and headed off in the direction of town.

"OI! TEME! WAIT FOR ME!!" Naruto screeched as he noticed the birthday boy (and his free ramen) disappearing, hastily sprinting after them.

It was while Naruto was enjoying his fifth bowl of ramen that Sasuke's rabid fan-girls made their second appearance of the day. Naruto, of course remained blissfully unaware of this fact, though Sasuke's super-heightened senses locked onto the danger right away.

"Oi, Sasuke, what's wrong? You look really creeped out – well for you anyway"

"Shut up dobe. There are fan-girls. Just stay very still and very quiet until I can figure out a way to get out of here"

Naruto paused for a moment, confused, and then an evil grin spread across his face. Quickly finishing his ramen and paying for it (with Sasuke's money of course) he drew in a large breath and yelled "**OI! Insane fan-girls!! Sasuke-teme's over here!"** And with a huge shriek Sasuke's extensive fan club had descended upon Naruto's precious ramen stand.

With the speed of the roadrunner, Sasuke had grabbed hold of Naruto's jacket and once more fled – yes fled – the scene. Unfortunately his blonde companion was still advertising their whereabouts and that damned orange outfit was _not_ suited for stealth. Thinking fast, Sasuke ripped off one of his arm-guards and stuffed it into the mouth of his tag-along before switching to the rooftop route around Konoha.

On the way to safety there was an unexpected trip – in which Naruto, still being dragged along by the jacket, got tangled under Sasuke's legs – into the women's bathhouse, earning both boys a severe beating from the less fearless bathers and a thumbs-up from Jiraiya who had just avoided being caught due to the commotion .

Eventually both Sasuke and Naruto arrived back at the Uchiha compound, where Naruto was quick to rip out the arm guard from his mouth and hurl it at the raven.

"teme!" was all he managed to say, however, as Sasuke had just tossed the guard and it's partner into the wash along with his shirt which had been heavily doused in fan-girl drool. Naruto was now faced with a shirtless sex god. "Uh . . ." he managed

"What?" Sasuke demanded, but there was no comprehensible answer. "Che, loser"

"HEY!" Naruto yelled, finding his voice with his anger "put a shirt or something"

"It's my house" Sasuke drawled and folded his arms, turning to see a very awkward looking Naruto.

A predatory smirk slipped across the raven's face as Sasuke's inner was finally revealed after sixteen long years of repressed hormones. "So dobe, what did you get me for my birthday?"

"Nothing!" Naruto told him resolutely "you've never gotten me anything teme so why should I get you anything?"

"But I know exactly what I want" Sasuke murmured mysteriously, and Naruto couldn't help but be intrigued.

Still avoiding looking any lower than Sasuke's chest, Naruto asked carefully: "what?"

"A kiss" Sasuke said slowly and advanced towards his team mate, smirking again

"WHAT!?" Naruto began to back away from his stalker "you're not Sasuke! Give me back my Sas – I mean the real Sasuke!"

"What are you talking about idiot? I am the real Sasuke" by this time Naruto had been pinned against a wall and was unable to move as Sasuke's face came closer and closer to his.

Sasuke's inner had made its debut and it was not backing down. Being gentle with the wide-eyed blonde, Sasuke held his head still and planted a chaste kiss on Naruto's lips, smirking as he pulled away at the tomato-colouring of his victim's face.

"That's not fair!" Naruto whined as Sasuke turned away once more "I didn't give it to you! You stole it! Give it back!!"

Sasuke paused, and looked back over his shoulder at Naruto (whose eyes were currently wandering down to where his shorts ended). He moved closer to Naruto once more and it suddenly dawned on the blonde that he had said exactly what Sasuke wanted. "Uwah! That's not what I meant! Stay back! You can keep it! No, Sasuke –"

It was too late, Sasuke had already reached him and was bending down to restore the kiss.

"Say 'happy birthday Sasuke!'"

"happy birthday Sasuke" Naruto mumbled, as he curled up in a ball of orange and blue. Sasuke had stolen his first three kisses without even asking! As soon as his birthday was over Naruto was going to show him . . .

_Success!_ Crowed Sasuke's inner, and for one the original Sasuke agreed. _A very happy birthday to me._

* * *

End!

We heart reviewers :3


	22. Tsunade, August 2nd

**DISCLAIMER:** I own no part of Naruto, great or small.

**A/N:** Yet more drinking ensues . . . oh deary me.

* * *

Tsunade – August 2nd

"Are you sure about this?" A blonde girl asks her silver-haired companion.

"Trust me, it'll be fine" he assures her

"I'd feel better if Orochimaru were coming along"  
"Why? He'd only spoil the evening for me"

"Hmmm . . ."

"Just meet me at seven in the usual place. And pad out your bra – princess or not you're still too flat-chested to pass for eighteen"

* * *

"So what now?"

"Now we find a bar – preferably with lots of cute girls for me!"

"Jiraiya, whose birthday is this?"

"ehehe sorry"

"Well find us a bar then"

* * *

"Two bottles of sake my man!"

"Coming right up sir"

"I'm supposed to be Nawaki's role model. How is underage drinking going to help that image?"

"Just relax! And don't talk so loud about the underage part"

"Here you go sir, two bottles" .:chink:. .:slosh:.

"Thanks very much. Oh here – let me pour you some of that"

". . ." .:slurp:. "This . . . this is good!"

"I told you so didn't I?"

"But this is really, really good!"

"Woah, hey slow down there princess – ah Tsunade! – " .:crash:.

* * *

"I'm .:hic:. _Fine. _See, I can stand up fine without yooouu!" .:crash:.

"You prove your point so well"

". . . . your hand is on my arse"

"So it is"

"It feels nice . . . ne Jiraiya?"

"mmhmm?"

With one swift move, Jiraiya's lips are pressed against his blonde friend's.

"Catch me if you can" she demands and dashes away in a surprisingly stable manner.

Jiraiya grins and rubs his hands together in a perverted manner.

"Ready or not, here I come!"

* * *

"What are you both doing in the middle of _my _garden in such unseemly clothes?"

"Tsunade had her first drink last night. It may or may have not lead on to her next twenty . . ."

"And I am never drinking again if this is the result"

" . . ."

* * *

"And that's how Tsunade became an alcoholic!"

"I am _NOT _an alcoholic you pervert!"

"mhm, mhm" Naruto nods, trying to process what his elder sensei has just divulged "So if I get Sakura drunk then she'll kiss me?"

"Precisely!"

Tsunade sighs. At least he'll have to wait until march rolls around again before he has a decent excuse for following the same tactics as his beloved sensei. Batting a balloon out of her way, Tsunade smiles at the two most idiotic and most important men in her life.

"Who's birthday is this?" she demands

"Erm . . . yours?" Naruto hazards

"Precisely, so let's focus on me. First things first; sake!"

* * *

OWARI!

It does actually worry me how many of these fics include drinking; maybe I subconsciously feel that you can't have a good party without a drink  
. . .

nah!

Reviews loved as always!


	23. Temari, August 23rd

**DISCLAIMER: **I have no part in the creation that is Naruto .:sigh:.

**A/N: **It's on time!!

* * *

Temari – August 23rd

The main hall of the Kazekage palace glittered with the light from a thousand candles, whose flames were reflected in the sparkling finery of the room's occupants. All of Suna and at least half of Konoha had turned up for Temari's eighteenth birthday, because after all, the eldest child of the previous Kazekage and the sister of the current Kazekage was practically Suna royalty.

Temari, however, did not see herself that way, and was finding it hard to keep up with the lush ball and the presents that had been thrust upon her. The blonde viewed herself as a hard-working Kunoichi (of recently acquired Jonin rank) and as carer for her two idiotic brothers - who never seemed quite able to keep themselves out of trouble – not the desert princess all these people seemed to picture her as.

Temari drifted out onto the balcony of one of the Kazekage palace's upper floors, her golden threaded Kimono, purposefully too long at the back, trailed behind her, stirring up dust motes and grains of sand as she went. Sighing, the eighteen year old set down her drink on the railings and looked down on the bejewelled crowds below. The light from the candles created dark blocks of shadow on her guest's faces, and Temari found that they ended up looking slightly demonic.

_Well_ she thought _most of them are politicians._ She wrinkled her nose and laughed softly.

"Something funny?" The lazy voice of Nara Shikamaru enquired from behind her.

"I was just thinking how much my guests look like demons" she told him, without turning around.

"Well" Shikamaru sauntered over and stood next to her, propping himself up on the rails "they _are_ politicians"

"My thoughts exactly" she agreed and they stood in silence for a few moments.

"Happy birthday" he muttered after a while

"Thank you"  
"Though I don't see why you'd want to make such a fuss about it" he added, thinking aloud

"_I_ didn't" Temari replied, also unaware of what she was saying

"So how did this" he paused here and waved a hand at the party below "end up happening?"

"Gaara wanted to return a favour – I organised his birthday party –"

Shikamaru snorted "yeah, Lee and Naruto wouldn't stop arguing about who had the best time for a month" Temari smiled, pleased

"And Kankuro agreed to Gaara's idea to get revenge"

"Revenge?"

"For using up all his make-up on his birthday" the Nara genius raised an eyebrow "It was for his own good" Temari protested

"Why not just say no?"

"Have you ever tried saying no to Gaara? He may have improved sincxe you last saw him, but he still has his moments. And if I'd said no to Kankuro, it would have made him twice as enthusiastic" she sighed heavily and Shikamaru threw an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her for a moment "you're lucky you're an only child"

"Huh. I may not have any brothers or sisters, but I've got team mates and they're just as troublesome" he said echoing Temari's sigh

"Yeah you've got that blonde . ."

"Ino. But she's not the worst. Once Chouji thinks party, he makes the connection to party food – after that he's unstoppable."

The two of them smiled happily.

"I complain" Temari began "but . . ."

"You appreciate it?"

"Yeah. Their presents aren't half bad!" she joked

"I got you a present" Shikamaru declared in great surprise, as though he himself had only just realised. "here" from a fold in his formal Yukata he drew an ancient-looking ebony-inlaid box.

Carefully, Temari took it from him and lifted the lid. With a small gasp she removed the Nara ivory fan from its resting place and opened it gently. It was a light sandy coloured cloth sewn with russet dragon spurting golden flames. She turned and held it up to the light from the doorway, watching it glimmer softly. "apparently it'll match your hair"

"Apparently according to who?"

" My mother. And Ino."

"They were right"

Shikamaru shivered "don't say such a troublesome thing to their faces though"

"I've heard" she said, slightly more seriously "that deer ivory is the Nara clan's equivalent of diamonds" Shikamaru nodded, waiting for her to make a connection "and that it's often used in engagement presents"

"So . . ?"

"So is this a Nara ivory fan, or is this a Nara ivory engagement fan?"

Shikamaru smirked "Which would you rather?" he asked infuriatingly.

Temari raised her eyebrows in question, but all she got in response was a lazy smile. _Well if he's going to be like that_. She carefully folded the fan back up and laid it in its box, tucking the ebony chunk of wood into her obi. She then took a step back and placed her hands on her hips, eyeing up the genius who was still leaning against the rails.

"Troublesome woman" he heard her mutter and, smiling a little, she stepped forwards again, capturing the lazy-ass in a kiss.

"That answer your question?"

Shikamaru nodded, somewhat dazed by his (_his _elder woman's, _his_ Temari's) fiancée's acceptance.

"But why the rush?" she asked suddenly "after all I may be of age, but you're still only fifteen"

Shikamaru shrugged nonchalantly "Well you're important aren't you?" he said, as though stating the obvious. _Any over-achieving shinobi would be after you for your political connections at the very least. Add to that the fact that you're smart and good-looking . . ._he added to himself"Let's just say it would be far too troublesome for me to wait another three years"

Though he was three years younger than her, Shikamaru was also an inch, or so taller – he definitely had potential. "I suppose this means I'll be waiting here for you for three years then, while you're running about Konoha?"

"Maybe . . ."

"Maybe?" Temari was confused. Shikamaru pointed to the doorway where Gaara stood, silhouetted in the bright light shining from behind him.

"I've assigned you to be Chunnin exams liason for the coming event in Konoha" he said in his quiet voice, arms folded tightly "A job Nara has also been assigned too. So you'll be seeing each other quite often"

Temari looked between the two of them in amazement. Though Gaara scowled and Shikamaru smirked, she could tell from both their faces that they had planned this. The boy was thorough.

"Temari! It's time for your birthday speech – oh, hey everyone . . ." Kankuro had also made his appearance on the balcony.

"Of course" she turned back to Shikamaru coughing pointedly at Kankuro and Gaara who – had not disappeared – over her shoulder, causing the elder of the two to nod and nudge the younger back down to the party hall.

"So I suppose I'll see you later then?"

"I suppose so" with a great deal of effort Shikamaru smiled at his fiancée.

"But just in case –" she stopped and leant forwards to kiss him, not expecting the warm arms that encircled her and the surprisingly muscled body against which she was pressed "– keep this until next time" she breathed, and it was her turn to be dazed as Shikamaru reluctantly released her that she might make her speech.

Temari sauntered into the hallway to signal for someone to take a swing at the huge gong in the hallway. At the sound of the sharp metallic clanging, the guests stopped their own conversations and turned to look up at the balcony. She cleared her throat.

"Ladies and gentlemen." She began "tonight I have only three words that need to be said" she paused and the crowd waited with baited breath. "Best. Birthday. _Ever_." She declared, eyes shinign with joy and not one of the guests could restrain themselves from appreciating her words; though whether in surprise, amusement or general drunkenness, no one could tell – and no one cared.

Leading the cheers was her inebriated brother Kankuro, the applause was taken care of by the almost-smiling Gaara and – a shining spot in the crowd – only Shikamaru set his own pace, stopping his applause to smile up at her, completely enamoured.

_Yes_ she thought, moving down to join her now positively angelic guests _best birthday ever._

* * *

OWARI!

I would like to take this opportunity to say I, personally

Am not a fan of early marriages but for the purposes of

This story it works, ne? And if you're a shinobi, live life

While you've got it right!?

Reviews appreciated – kisses! x x x


	24. Kakuzu, September 4th

**DISCLAIMER: **In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born : FANFICTION!

**A/N: **I felt such a dramatic disclaimer was necessary as I'm not 100 percent happy with the story, but up it goes nonetheless! And I hope _you _enjoy it. (And also, It's on time again!)

* * *

Kakuzu – September 4th

There was giggling in the Akatsuki hideout – Kakuzu could feel it – and Kakuzu did not appreciate giggling. It must be stopped, at all costs, but where was it coming from? The most obvious choice would be Tobi's room, but Deidara and Sasori's room was right next to his and the pair of them despised giggling (though you'd never have thought of it the way the blonde teased his danna so mercilessly). Giggling was off-limits.

But who could it be? Pein's manic laughter was far more hysterical, Konan didn't laugh – ever – let alone giggle, Kakuzu doubted either half of Zetsu had even encountered the word giggle, so who did that leave? Himself (obviously not) Itachi (he hoped not, that would probably spell out that the apocalypse was nigh) Kisame (that was unlikely, and even if it was him he was under the Uchiha's protection) and . . . Hidan.

But that was impossible – wasn't it? His silver-haired partner would never stoop to such lows. He feared he may be wrong however, and as he made his way to the area of the hideout in which he and Hidan were roomed, those fears seemed shortly to be confirmed. Stopping just outside their room, Kakuzu could definitely hear his partner trying to hold back choked giggles.

"What is the meaning of this degradation?" Kakuzu hissed as he threw open the door to their room to see Hidan lying on the floor of their rooms in tears.

"hehe . . . fuck, Kakuzu . . . I . . . hehe . . .can't . . . hehe . . . fucking . . . hehe . . . help it"

"What?" Kakuzu was confused

"I hehe . . . found . . . tehehehee. . . BABY PICTURES! Bwahhahahaa!" the giggles turned abruptly to full-blown hysterics as Hidan became incapable of holding back his amusement any longer.

Kicking himself for not having noticed them earlier, Kakuzu saw several polaroids scattered across the floor, all depicting him as a very tiny baby sucking his theumb, lying on his back with legs in the air, and one of him in the full-blown baby nude.

Survival instincts kicked in instantly.

Flying forwards, Kakuzu grabbed his partner by the neck and smashed him against the nearest wall "You will tell _no one_ about these pictures."

"Why the fuck not?" In his surprise, Hidan had stopped giggling.

"Because if you do, I'll blow you into teeny-tiny little pieces and never sew you back together again"

"Fuck"

"Are we clear?" Hidan nodded bitterly "good. Now I don't know how you got them or what it cost you – burn them. Now" one look from Kakauzu was enough to make Hidan comply and he picked them up stroppily, leaving to deliver them to Itachi for incineration.

_I hope he doesn't bump into Kisame_ were Kakuzu's only thoughts.

* * *

A few months later, just as Kakuzu was beginning to think he was safe, Hidan burst into the room with an evil smile on his face.

"Kakuzu, come quickly bitch! Kisame's got something for you"

"What is it?" Kakuzu growled suspiciously

"It's a fucking surprise" Hidan replied and turned tail from the room, practically forcing Kakuzu to follow him.

When the two of them reached Kisame's room, it appeared that the whole Akatsuki had gathered to witness . . . something. Kakuzu was now more on guard than ever.

"What is it Kisame?" he demanded gruffly

"Is that any way to address someone who's just made you a delicious birthday cake?"

"A what?" something was very wrong here, it didn't take Kisame and Hidan's matching anticipatory smiles to work that out.

"Come and see" Hidan prompted and, treading carefully, Kakuzu moved over to see what was going on.

When, after what felt like miles of walking under the stares and smirks of the entire organisation, Kakuzu reached his "surprise" and time seemed to stop.

There, in front of him, was a rectangular cake of mostly white icing and a large picture of a very naked baby Kakuzu, thumb securely in mouth and staring straight at the camera. Hidan couldn't help himself – the look on his partner's face was too much – he began to giggle uncontrollably.

His giggles were, unsurprisingly, swiftly cut off as Kakuzu seized him by the throat once again. Hidan's eyes widened in shock at the look of menace – mixed in with a slight hint of insanity – in his partner's oddly coloured eyes.

"H-happy birthday?" he squeaked in a most un-Hidan-like way and Kakuzu's smile widened manically

"Hidan go BOOM"

* * *

OWARI!

Poor Kakuzu, I truly feel for him.

"Hidan go BOOM!"

Reviews loved as always! x


	25. Hatake Kakashi, September 15th

**WARNING:** hints of KakaIru (yaoi!)

**DISCLAIMER: **In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born: FANFICTION!

**A/N:** So it's less a "what happens to Kakashi on his birthday" fic, more a "Drabble fic inspired by Kakashi" fic. I hope you like it all the same!

* * *

Hatake Kakashi – September 15th

Kakashi's never been much of a conversationalist but sometimes that doesn't matter.

He's never been interested in small talk or asking someone how their day went, but no one really minds.

In fact, Kakashi only really opens his mouth to give instructions, excuses or the occasional word of encouragement – that's just how Kakashi is.

But it doesn't matter because in his team; Sasuke likes silence, Sakura ignores him and Naruto can happily chatter on about nothing without drawing breath for a goodly amount of time.

And no one really minds because when Kakashi is with Iuka, small talk isn't needed, and the adorable brunette never waits to be asked how his day went anyway.

In fact, everyone understands that that's just how Kakashi is.

His excuses, though blatant lies, are always amusing to hear.

His instructions are _always_ useful.

And his every-now-and-then encouragement can make a shinobi work ten times as hard just to please him.

So really, Kakashi may not be much of a conversationalist, but other people are happy to do the talking for him.

* * *

OWARI!

We :heart: reviews x


	26. Nara Shikamaru, September 22nd

**DISCLAIMER: **In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born: FANFICTION!

**A/N:** so I feel bad foisting two musings in a row upon you, but oh well!

* * *

Nara Shikamaru – September 22nd

Shikamaru doesn't like to make a fuss about his birthday, and Temari understands that.

He accepts his presents, but always thinks about how troublesome they are to unwrap, so Temari doesn't bother wrapping hers.

He accompanies his team for a special birthday dinner, but doesn't enjoy Chouji's look of pain as he restrains himself from stealing the last bite in order to give it to Shikamaru.

He also partakes in the traditional Nara festivities and all the while wishes he could be sitting watching clouds.

Temari understands that.

And that's why, when Shikamaru's birthday rolls around again, Temari steals him away from the troublesome preparations and over-excited team mates and takes him to their special place, to watch the birthday clouds float by.

Temari understands that he finds his presents troublesome, so mostly she doesn't bother with getting him one, simply allowing him off his metaphorical leash for this one day.

Temari cooks breakfast for him, and gives him an excuse to refuse the last bite of birthday dinner.

She stays by his side while relations gather and pinch his cheeks and remind him how much he's grown, and she introduces herself to everyone as "Shikamaru's fiancée" which make's Shikamaru's heart leap every time and also ensures that no one asks such troublesome questions as "and who's this lovely young lady?"

In short, Temari makes birthday living easier for her Lazy little Nara.

And Shikamaru loves her for it.

* * *

OWARI!


	27. Yamanaka Ino, September 23rd

**DISCLAIMER: **In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born: FANFICTION!

**A/N: **So, it's a little fluffy and OOC and generally more of a romantic movie plotline than what I usually come up with (I think) but I hope you enjoy it!! Next up Naruto . . . oh dear, I hope I do well!

* * *

Yamanaka Ino – September 23rd

If everything is practically perfect in every way on Ino's birthday, then she considers it a year of planning well spent.

If it's not . . . well, someone will feel her wrath.

Fortunately for Konoha, it's usually pretty perfect – the village doesn't talk about the one time it wasn't.

The cake is ordered in from Kirigakure's top-notch patisserie,

The decorations are handcrafted by the flower country's famous art galleries,

The guests are only the most important and exciting people around – and forhead girl,

And finally, Ino's birthday dress is designed and made by each new season's up-and-coming designer.

Hence, everything is practically perfect.

But Ino's always thought there was something missing.

Sure, her parties, presents and guests never fail to please her,

And it may be practically perfect but there's still something missing: she's never 100 percent happy – always just a few percent off.

But why?

She gets everything she wants and more, so what exactly is the problem?

Perhaps she'll never know.

* * *

Ino's parties are always filled with "the beautiful people" and Chouji always feels out of place, but this year he's determined to become one of them – if only for one night.

Unfortunately he's decided to do it in the most drastically dangerous manner.

Dangerous missions Akimichi food pills, and Akimichi food pills instant slimming.

So a week before Ino's party, Chouji requests a dangerous mission.

Ino isn't happy, but he promises her he won't miss her party.

She believes him – just.

One week, one dangerous mission and one quick spell in Konoha hospital later and Chouji is the perfect size to fit into his western-style suit (bought in accordance with the invitation's dress-code). He buttons himself into it, attempts to do something with his hair – and manages, just barely – finally grabbing Ino's gift and heading out the door.

* * *

Ino is having the time of her life – she thinks.

This years dress is a tight-fitting, low-necked and short-skirted concoction and she's short neither on presents or on offers to dance.

But that weird feeling of missing something is still there.

A new song starts and Ino abandons her current partner in favour of talking to Forehead-girl who's looking equally stunning in an emerald green dress of similar proportions to her own.

"Yo, Sakura!" she calls and the other girl waves back at her from the bar.

"Having fun?" she asks, and Ino grunts non-comittally.

"Then you've obviously not had enough to drink" Sakura replies and signals for two shot-glasses and a bottle of vodka. Ino wrinkles her nose, downing one but refusing to drink the other.

As the pair turn towards the door, a handsome young man walks in.

His suit is expensive, his hair needs work and Ino is sure she has never seen him before in her life.

"Who is _that_?" she demands of her friend and Sakura shrugs

"Well, you should know, you invited him"

"Well then I guess I'd better get to know him then hadn't I?" Ino moves off towards the stranger and Sakura giggles, recognising him.

"Good luck" she mutters to herself before downing another shot and sauntering off to find another playmate.

* * *

Chouji feels lost amongst the lights and the noise of Ino's chosen party venue, but he soon spots the hostess herself making a beeline for him and sighs in relief.

Before he can even say hello however, Ino has gestured at him to join her on the dancefloor, and no matter how much he wishes he could he is unable to say no

Halfway through the dance, Shikamaru catches his eye and winks lazily, while Lee next to him gives him a huge thumbs-up.

* * *

Ino is stunned.

This stranger – who she hasn't let out of her sight all night – is exactly what her parties have been missing.

Or would be if her parties were missing anything.

Which they weren't.

Obviously.

* * *

Ino has barely left his side all night and Chouji is ecstatic.

This party might be practically perfect in every way, but it's getting late now and he needs to be home.

He says his goodbyes and then moves to leave the party, but Ino catches him and gestures him outside first.

"so you've been just what this party needed" Ino starts as they get exit the club. "And I want you to come again next year, but how do I get the invitation to you?"

"Just give it to Shikamaru" Chouji tells her, voice hoarse from shouting over the music in the club, and smiles.

Ino smiles back, flirting, "Don't want me to know your address huh? Well alright but you're missing out . . ."

Chouji laughs happily "Good night Ino-chan"

"G'night stranger" she says

* * *

Chouji bends forward to kiss her on the cheek, but just at the last moment Ino turns her head and catches him full on the mouth.

The kiss is dry, but romantic and passionate, and they part from each other slightly surprised but smiling widely.

"I forgot to give you this earlier" he says, huskily

* * *

The stranger hands Ino a pretty box from one of her favourite jewellery shops and closes her hands around it tightly, before shuffling off with a light smile on his lips and a dazed look upon his face.

Ino exhales heavily.

She opens the box to discover a purple ribbon, delicately embroidered with butterflies, deer and wild boar. At each end are amethyst clasps and Ino deduces the ribbon can be worn as necklace, bracelet, belt or any other way she may care to display it.

"Boar-Ino. Deer – Shikamaru. Butterfly – Chouji" she whispers to herself happily, I wonder how he knew about that?

The penny still hasn't dropped.

* * *

The next day Ino is practically glowing and Chouji is pleased to see his gift wound around her wrist.

Unfortunately Ino is still none-the-wiser about Chouji's "disguise" and she berates him for missing her party when he promised he wouldn't

As Ino walks ahead of him, still complaining about broken promises, Sakura leans in to whisper something to Chouji.

"Well, no matter how thick Ino may be, I reckon you brush up real good" she says and winks.

Chouji smiles happily. He knows he was there, and that's all that matters.

* * *

OWARI!

I am a devout lover of reviews – they feed my inner angels


	28. Uzumaki Naruto, October 10th :1:

**WARNING: **Teeny tiny implied slash? Soemwhat angsty.

**DISCLAIMER: **Me no owny.

**A/N: **And there's another one to follow! They're both implied slash, but I've left it light - sorry to all you Het lovers out there!

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto - October 10th

The sun shone down over Konohagakure, and the crisp air freshened the unusually deserted streets. Gems of condensation ran down the glass windows on the Hokage tower, and piles of russet and golden leaves were gathered on street corners and around the village walls.

The city, with its deserted streets and unnatural silence was in mourning. Shops were closed and doors were locked, people would spend the day with their families, emerging only at night for the stargazing festival atop Hokage Mountain.

But not everyone had a family.

Uzumaki Naruto was alone, the only person outdoors on this chill autumn day. He walked with his head down and his hands in his pockets, dragging his feet along the ground. He didn't need to smile – there was no one here to see his moment of weakness.

As he shuffled out of the village central, the sun shone down and caused his hair to sparkle in the sunlight. Slowly, the view of the village was left behind as Naruto forced himself deeper and deeper into Konoha forest. The sun was high in the sky when Naruto finally stopped next to a sparkling lake. The dappled light beneath the trees sheltered him from the reflected rays off of the hidden lake.

Every year, this place never fails to capture his heart. The deep blue of the still water contrasting with the aquamarine sky, multi-toned green, brown, yellow and red trees in the autumn crossover and fluffy white clouds soaring overhead.

Every colour is heavily saturated, sounds are magnified and true thoughts and feeling can come through without obstruction.

He is alone – he has always been alone, and this thought comes as no surprise to him.

He sighs, a deep and heavy release of breath which draws with it the slow trickle of tears. His chest heaves with silent sobs as he gathers his knees in his arms and cries without shame, tears pouring down his scarred cheeks as he sits alone.

As his tears slowly subside, Naruto is aware of a sweet but mournful song from amongst the trees. He recognises the sound of birdsong, but all other call and answer tweeting has stopped in honour of this pure, melodic sound.

The bird – whatever it is – continues it song, the lilting music drifting through the trees to reach a silent and sorrowful Naruto, who finds himself inexplicably calmed.

But all of a sudden the bird stops and the sound of frantic flapping is heard, a whole flock of birds soaring upwards, away from the forest. Naruto turns slowly, sadly, and his eyes widen in shock as he realises who disturbed his comforter.

Sasuke stands there, pale and washed-out against the vivid autumn backdrop, his dark eyes intense and filled with emotion.

Naruto takes a deep, shuddering breath and turns his head back to the lake, his eyes readjusting to the shining water and dusty grey cliffs infront of him.

A flicker of sadness passes through the raven's eyes and he takes a slow, halting step towards the blonde.

"What do you want?" demands Naruto without his usual vigour. SAsuke says nothing, simply moving to sit next to his friend in silence.

"I didn't think you should be alone today" he replies finally

Naruto laughs hollowly "I've always been alone"

"That's not true" Sasuke replies "You've had me"

"And where have you been for the past two years?" Naruto bites back bitterly, and traitorous tears begin once more to course down his cheeks. Sasuke brushes them away softly, and gathers the blonde in his arms, it's no longer so easy as carrying him out of danger – he's grown taller and more muscled, but Sasuke holds him close all the same.

"You know where I've been" Sasuke whispers into Naruto's ear, and the blonde stiffens slightly "I've been training . . . and not just for revenge . . . but to protect _you_."

The blonde's eyes widen again at this statement, and he winds his arms tighter around the Uchiha's slim frame "Don't lie" he whispers "don't lie"

"I'm not Naruto" Sasuke replies and inhales Naruto's sunshine scent. He holds the other boy away from him for a moment and studies his tear reddened eyes, his own onyx orbs still filled with unheard of emotion.

Slowly, haltingly, he moves his head forwards, but Naruto pushes him back.

"No, Sasuke"

It's as though a curtain has been draw; Sasuke's face goes blank and he releases his hold on Naruto. The blonde looks up, pleading to be held again, but Sasuke is not longer looking at him, preferring rather to stare straight over his head. "Sasuke? I just . . . I just want . . . I just want you to hold me"

He looks slightly startled for a moment, but soon the Uchiha's eyes soften once more and he haltingly weaves his arms around Naruto's waist, as though afraid of rejection, but still holding the boy close to him.

"Naruto, I" He stops, takes a deep breath and tries to continue, but the words he wants to say wont come out. "Happy birthday" he murmurs instead, and he feels his bare chest dampen and he knows that Naruto is crying again. He holds the boy tighter still, and they stand together for an eternity, until the stars come out and the shadows beneath the trees meld into each other.

The moon hangs low, a golden sheen to its usually silver face, and the few white clouds of the day disappear, allowing the glittering stars to shine out.

Still the two boys stand, entwined in silence.

"Thank you Sasuke" Naruto whispers "Thank you"

* * *

OWARI!


	29. Uzumaki Naruto, October 10th :2:

**WARNING:** Possible slashy connotations

**DISCLAIMER:** In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born: FANFICTION!

**A/N:** Short and a teeny bit slashy, but not enough to offend - could be interpreted as friendship or yaoi, whatever floats your boat .

Uzumaki Naruto – October 10th

The sun was sitting low on the horizon as another day drew to a close in Sunagakure. Uzumaki Naruto sat on a sun-baked roof, watching as the sun lowered itself gingerly over the edge of the world. He cradled his arms in his knees and smiled a small smile as he watched this breathtaking sight.

A swish of air alerted him to Gaara's presence and he felt the redhead alighting next to him, but all the while he kept his gaze fixed upon the molten orb infront of him, its disappearance dragging after it the cool night air.

"Naruto" Gaara acknowledged his friend. The blonde turned and unleashed a beaming smile upon the unsuspecting Gaara. "What are you doing here Naruto?"

"What do you mean? I'm enjoying a well-earned holiday of course!"

"Hmm" Gaara replied, fixing his emerald gaze on the blonde.

"What? I'm enjoying myself!" Naruto insisted, Gaara said nothing. "I am" Gaara continued to stare straight at Naruto "Stop looking at me like that!" Gaara's eyes continued to bore into Naruto's soul, and the blonde squirmed uncomfortably.

"The truth?"

There was a silence longer than those that had followed

"Come on Gaara . . . you know what it's like" Naruto muttered at last. "If I were in Konoha . . . I'd be alone." He paused to bite back the burning in his throat and behind his eyes "I'd be attacked, and I couldn't fight back – they'd only hate me more. You know what it's like" he repeated

"Yes. I know what it's like" Gaara agreed and took hold of Naruto's hand, squeezing it gently.

"And after all" Naruto added, perking up a little "If I were in Konoha, I wouldn't have you now would I Gaara-chan?"

Gaara's eyes widened slightly in surprise at Naruto;s private nick-name for him, but his face creased in a smile and he tugged the blonde closer to him, slipping an arm around Naruto's slim waist.

"And I wouldn't have you Naru-chan"

Smiling widely, Naruto rested his head on Gaara's shoulder.

The two of them stood, content in each other's presence, happy to throw away their caution as shinobi and simply be together, watching the sun in all it shining brilliance.

"I'm glad I'm here Gaara" Naruto said seriously, as the final few rays of light disappeared from the sky.

"So am I" Gaara murmured, closing his eyes and breathing in the hot, dusty scent of the desert, and feeling the cool night air descend upon his skin "So am I"

* * *

OWARI!

Reviews loved as always . Lemme know if I've improved at all since starting!


	30. Sarutobi Asuma, October 18th

**WARNING: **Angst .

**DISCLAIMER: **In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born: FANFICTION!

**A/N: **It's uplifting angst if that makes any sense? I suppose it's more like a remembrance than anything . . . I hope it makes sense when you read it, here's a little guide to help you:

**Konohamaru**

_Kurenai_

Team-eight-Shikamaru-Ino-Chouji

Kakashi

Hopefully you'll get it when you read it!

* * *

Sarutobi Asuma – October 18th

_He was everything I' ever wanted, needed, desired in a man. He was kind, he was honourable and he was true possessor of the will of fire._

**He was my uncle, and he was really cool. He was everything I wanted to be, though I never knew it. He was always really laid back but he was still super-powerful. That was what made him so awesome.**

He smoked too much – he always lost at shougi – he fell into my barbeque traps constantly – but all the same – he was really – troublesome? – Awesome – he taught us everything – he cared about us – he was the best teacher – the best friend – we could possibly have – no one can ever replace him.

He was a good man. A good friend. A powerful shinobi. He cared about right and wrong, about justice, he didn't deserve to die so soon – though he died honourably, protecting the village.

_He left behind a child I will raise to be just like him: Intelligent, handsome, caring, powerful . . . but without the nicotine addiction._

**He didn't just care about his family though – he cared about the people, and that made him powerful, that made him awesome. He left the Sarutobi legacy to me – and I won't let him down!**

What he taught us – when he found time to drag himself away from Kurenai – will be with us – forever – he taught us to value life – to be true to ourselves – to never let others beat us – and we won't ever – ever – forget that – we will pass on this knowledge to our own teams – eventually – and his teachings will live on.

He was never just another name on the memorial stone. He was important. He was special. His existence meant something. People understood that, and they haven't forgotten it. His second-hand smoke will continue to clog our lungs without shame. And as we die from it, slowly, without realising it, we will remember him.

**We will always** – _always_ – remember him– _and though at times it may feel as though we cannot continue without him_ – **we will never give up** – we will always stand tall – **we will always remember what he told us** – what a good friend – _an amazing man_ – a devoted sensei he was – **is** – _and always will be in our memories of him_.

Sarutobi Asuma – _**We Will never forget you**_.

* * *

OWARI!


	31. Uchiha Madara, October 19th

**WARNING:** Spoilers for those only watching the anime .

**DISCLAIMER: **In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born : FANFICTION!

**A/N: **It's late again, I know – ruining my record, but all the same, here it is! Uchiha Madara's birthday drabble, with the prompt "relaxation" enjoy!

* * *

Uchiha Madara – October 18th

Life's hard when you're an immortal super-genius.

There's rarely tie for relaxation: there's always a village to invade or a Jinchuriki to suck the life out of and the guise of a childish idiot can get very hard to maintain.

As such, Uchiha Madara had taken the day of and was currently taking refuge on Crescent Moon Island – a beautiful place with a booming tourist industry and a circus that performed almost all year round.

And the best part of the island was that no one would ever think to look for him in such a place, and even if they did, not even Zetsu would be able to do his creepy appearing-out-of-the-ground thing due to the fact he was on an island.

So he had broken out the Akatsuki swimming trunks, ordered himself a pina colada and laid himself out on a sun lounger to give his deathly pale Uchiha complexion a bit of a boost.

Yes, life was hard as an immortal super-genius, but it always made these moments of relaxation all the more enjoyable.

* * *

OWARI!


	32. Mitarashi Anko, October 24th

**DISCLAIMER: **In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born: FANFICTION!

**A/N:** finally it's one for all you het lovers out there – I only recently discovered how much I liked this pairing, I hope you do too :3 reviews loved as always!

* * *

Mitarashi Anko – October 24th

For other people a birthday is a day when you're allowed to be super happy and overindulge to the max – even if you're an Uchiha – but for Anko it has always been a day to be melancholy, to not have to put on her psycho-Jonin face and to simply sit and stare out at the rest of the world.

Instead of her usual revealing outfit she would wear a standard Konoha uniform and sling her jacket over the top, forgoing only the chunin vest.

She would rise early and make her way out of the east gate, not stopping until she had reached the ocean , found a small boat, rowed it out as far from the shore as she dared and then anchored it securely and laid back to admire the inside of her eyelids.

That was always how it had been.

Until she found Kakashi of course.

Once he was in the picture, there was no solitude, no lonely day sitting in a small boat on storm-tossed seas. Instead there was company. A day in a tiny fishing boat with someone to hold and to love.

Someone who doesn't want her because she's powerful or because she's got a huge chest but because she's Anko and he loves her.

And so the two of them lie; holding each other close as they stare into the autumn sky spotted with fluffy white clouds, and they laugh as salty waves throw themselves into their sanctuary and as clouds burst and they become soaked to the bone.

And Kakashi loves Anko and he only thinks she's more beautiful when she's been crying and trying to hide it beneath the waves and the rain.

And Anko loves Kakashi because he never says anything about why she's crying, never asks if she's okay, simply tells her how beautiful she is and kisses her passionately on the mouth to reinforce his point.

They match each other perfectly in a strange sort of a way, and though neither of them talk about their relationship, everyone understands, and no one interferes when Anko leaves early on the morning of the 24th of October, or when Kakashi follows soon after her.

Because seeing Anko without her metaphorical mask would be like seeing Kakashi without his physical mask, and they save that sight only for each other, and no one interferes because everyone understands.

Anko needs solitude on _her _day, and Kakashi, somehow gives that to her, and nothing anyone else gives her can match it.

_Because they're made for each other_

_Because they're insane_

_Because they're in love._

_Just because._

* * *

OWARI!


	33. Orochimaru, October 27th

**DISCLAIMER:** In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born: FANFICTION!

**WARNING: **Well – if something offends you let me know so I can put a warning up here!

**A/N:** So Orochimaru doesn't really try to get Madara because I don't think he knows the guy exists but for the purposes of this story, he does :3

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Orochimaru – October 27th

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a man named Orochimaru. He was tall and handsome, but he had an evil heart. All manner of people were drawn to his charisma and his charm, but his black heart always longed for more.

He wanted a sharingan user to call his own.

Not the sharingan itself; that was never his true goal – that was merely a popular misconception – no, he wanted an Uchiha. Because Uchiha's were pretty, and the man knew that he would look yet more handsome with an Uchiha by his side.

So he teased and he flirted and he attempted to have the oldest of the three remaining Uchihas by his side, but Uchiha Madara was too strong and not nearly pretty enough to fall for his charms.

So he teased and he flirted and he attempted to have the middlest of the three remaining Uchihas by his side, but Uchiha Itachi was too strong and too pretty to fall for his charms.

Orochimaru thought and he thought about what to do. He enlisted the help of all the not-so-pretty people in his thrall who, though not very pretty, were very very clever; and these people came up with an idea: try to capture Uchiha Sasuke.

Now Orochimaru thought this to be a wonderful plan , so he put on his favourite disguise and travelled to Konoha where the youngest Uchiha was currently taking up residence. And Orochimaru flirted and he teased and still he could not lure Uchiha Sasuke to him – though the boy was not strong enough or old enough to understand his full potential, and so Orochimaru sulked. He hid and he sulked and he sulked some more until one day he had a wonderful idea.

"I know what to do" he said to himself "I shall administer the Love Hickey of Doom!"

And that was exactly what he did.

The Love Hickey of Doom was a slow working but potent weapon from which none but the most impressive could escape. Now Orochimaru was aware that Sasuke might one day become one of the "most impressive" and this worried him, but all the same the youngest remaining Uchiha was unaware of his power and thus was Orochimaru's plan safe . . . for now.

But still the days wore on and Sasuke was nowhere to be seen – at least not in the vicinity of Otogakure – and so Orochimaru sent out his prettiest and most powerful victim to retrieve his Sasuke-kun.

Kimimaro's strength and prettiness was known throughout the lands, and it was not long before he had returned to Orochimaru with the precious Sasuke. The youngest Uchiha was locked inside a sturdy barrel with odd writing all over it and which was tied with a purple bow. Orochimaru could no longer restrain himself; he ripped the bow off of the barrel and opened the lid with his teeth.

He was not disappointed.

There was his Sasuke with an adorably bemused look on his face and the cutest little bow around his neck.

He was the happiest snake-sannin the whole wide world and he wanted everyone to know it . . .

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

And they did. No one was in any doubt that an Uchiha was the best present Orochimaru could have received.

* * *

OWARI!


	34. Jiraiya, November 11th

**WARNING: **None! yay!

**DISLCLAIMER: **I own no part of Naruto, be it great or small, though when it comes to all the characters I'll admit I love them all!

**A/N: **Yeah, on time again - you proud? I am! Well, I hope you all had a minutes silence in respect for the dead today and well . . . Enjoy the read! Peace out :)

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Jiraiya – November 11th

The water was warm against her worn-out body and Tsunade relished the feeling of it as it contrasted with the cool night air on her neck and shoulders. The bath may have been closed to the public but this woman was Hokage goddamit, she could bathe whenever she wanted to! And night time was when she wanted to. It was only under cover of night that Tsunade felt safe from the prying eyes of a certain silver-haired ex-teammate. Only in the dark could she drop her constant guard.

However, this still wasn't always a good idea.

In the back of her mind, Tsunade could sense the perverted snickers of one Jiraiya – author of the Icha Icha series and lecher of magnificent proportions. She sighed deeply.

"Oh Jiraiya?" she called sweetly, and the quiet chuckling stopped almost immediately. "I know you're there . . ." she extended her senses to encompass the vicinity of the bath house and picked out Jiraiya's place with ease "hiding on the roof – isn't that a little obvious?"

Jiraiya appeared to have given up hiding judging by his confident response of: "Maybe so, but it's a good view and far enough away to avoid your close-range attacks."

Tsunade smirked, her hand reaching slowly towards the wooden bowl of soaps, shampoos and towels. "Is that so?" she asked and she could see Jiraiya nodding smugly in her minds eye "then try this!" she called and flicked the dish at him with deadly accuracy.

Jiraiya ducked on reflex and the dish sailed harmlessly over his head, but as a result of hi quick movement was the loss of his balance and he fell straight from the roof onto the stone floor below.

_Not what I was aiming for, but not a total loss either._ Tsunade thought to herself as she slipped out of the water and wrapped a towel securely round her torso.

"Oi" she muttered, nudging the fallen Jiraiya with her toe "OI!"

"Ughhhh" came the groan

"Well at least you're not dead"

Jiraiya snorted "Well thank Kami for small mercies" he muttered and tried to sit up, but instead fell straight back down again with another groan.

Tsunade sighed again. Kneeling down she picked up Jiraiya's head and rested it on her knees, stroking his hair absent-mindedly "you're such an idiot" she murmured gently.

"Are you drunk?" he asked suspiciously and the blonde woman scowled.

"No . . . at least not _very_"

"Well then you wont mind kissing this better will you?" he said, gesturing in the vague direction of his head.

"As if you need it – you cracked the paving with your head, not the other way around" she informed him brutally, but bent down and gave him a large smooch on the forehead all the same, continuing to cradle his head in her lap.

"Do you need a favour perhaps?" he asked again and Tsunade snorted in disdain.

"No. Just consider it the best birthday present of your life"

"EH? But it's not my birthday yet . . ."

"It just turned one o clock. It's been your birthday for a whole hour already"

"It has? Well then . . . as per the bet you lost on _your_ last birthday, you have to be my slave for the whole day" Tsunade said nothing, trying desperately to think of a way out of this situation but finding none. "First things first" Jiraiya continued "I haven't done any research in a while, and you know what that means right?"

There was no hope. There never had been a way out of "research" and there never would be. With a resigned sigh, Tsunade began to loosen the towel around her. "You had really better appreciate this you pervert"

"Don't worry" he replied with a triumphant grin "I'll just consider it my best birthday present ever"

* * *

OWARI!


	35. Rin, November 15th

**WARNING: **Slight naughtiness and a hint of perversion ;)

**DISCLAIMER:** In the beginning there was fiction, and the creators of fiction saw their fans and knew that their creation was good, to ensure that their fans were eternally loyal the creators demanded that no fan-inspired stories were created, but the fans could not help themselves and thus was born: FANFICTION!

**A/N: **Well, I hope you guys like this! Obviously it's pre-Kakashi Gaiden . . . yays!

* * *

Rin – November 15th

* * *

"And they lived happily ever after . . ." Rin closed the book in her lap "The End" she said firmly, and Obito smiled happily from his position in one of Konoha's most secure hospital beds. The Uchiha had had to be strapped into it after attempting to escape his confinement and take part in one of team Namikaze's missions. The idiot had then proceeded to make his already serious injuries worse by breaking his arm trying to climb out of his first-story window.

Rin had visited him every day possible – occasionally dragging a reluctant Kakashi along with her, though those particular visits had never gone very well. They usually seemed to end in Obito damaging himself worse, falling out of beds and widows, running into doors and on one particularly memorable occasion punching himself in the face in a chain of fascinating but confusing events which could no longer be remembered by any member of the team.

"Another one?" The Uchiha asked hopefully and Rin shook her head with a sigh.

"You're fifteen years old and you want _another_ fairy tale?" she asked in disbelief and Obito smiled happily.

"I just like the sound of your voice" he told her, and Rin's heart fluttered at the compliment, though she sighed in mock irritation.

"I do have other places to be you know. It is my birthday after all. And I do have to get ready for my party tonight"

"I know I know! But just one more and then I'll give you your present" he added slyly.

"Present?" Rin perked up considerably and flicked the book open the story of the Princess and the Pea – a particularly short tale.

"And they all lived happily ever after" Rin finished hurriedly "now gimme gimme gimme!" she added, hands outstretched.

Grinning idiotically, Obito reached into the drawer of his bedside table and withdrew a pale blue envelope, with his team mate's name written on it.

"What's this?" Rin asked, frowning and turning the envelope around in her hands"

"Open it" Obito instructed, and so she did.

Along with a comic card featuring some black and white creature named "Eric the Penguin" three photos dropped from the folded paper.

Rin flipped one over to reveal a sleeping Kakashi, a slight wet patch on his mask where the drool had seeped through. He was leaning against his largest summoning dog, and puppy-sized Pakkun was slumbering on his stomach. A copy of Icha Icha had fallen from his hands onto the ground beside him.

Rin looked at Obito in surprise "But ninjas don't read porn!" she told him, quoting Kakashi exactly.

"This one does" Obito informed her dryly "Next one, next one!"

Rin flipped the second picture over to find another Kakashi looking at her. A very unmasked Kakashi. Tin blushed and was suddenly aware of how much more she fancied her prematurely silver team mate. "Wow" she murmured and Obito, looking over her shoulders shrugged his own.

"It's nothing special" he sniffed "Now for the final one" he said and his constant smile grew even wider.

Rin looked at him suspiciously, but picked up the third and final photograph. As she looked at it, her cheeks flushed bright red and a river of blood streamed from her nose. Obito's smile grew yet wider and he laughed. On the paper was a naked Kakashi. Full-frontal and very unmasked and he looked as though he was . . . posing for the picture?

"How bid you ged dese?" Rin demanded, while trying to stop the flow of blood pouring down her face.

"Well . . . I hate to ruin it for you but Kakashi is very, very gay"Obito told her "Very. I hope you don't mind too much?"

"With these photos, I couldn't care less!" Rin told him and lunged at him, holding him in a tight hug and squealing happily.

The door to the room slid open and Rin quickly tucked the pictures into her bra. The very man who was the subject of all three entered the room and the brunette teen blushed yet deeper than she had previously. Her gaze drifted to Kakashi's crotch area as he walked towards them, and she hurriedly clutched a hand over her nose.

"I have to go get ready!" she cried and fled the room as fast as her shapely legs could carry her.

"What was that about?" Kakashi asked when she was safely out of the building.

"Do you what Kakashi? I have absolutely no idea" Obito replied, settling further into his mountain of pillows. "Kiss" he demanded and Kakashi bent down with a long-suffering sigh and brushed Obito's lips with his own.

"This had better not have anything to do with those pictures you took of me" he said suspiciously, and Obito's smile stretched across his face once again.

"Of course not! Would I do that to you?" he asked innocently, but inside he had grown teeny red horns and was cackling evilly. _Rin so owes me now_. He thought to himself and smirked at a still-suspicious Kakashi. "Love you" he said chirpily.

* * *

OWARI!

Feed me with your reviews my minions! 3


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